Will things ever be the same?
by TabbyKat
Summary: Will be attempting to rewrite and continue shortly. sorry for the long absense. One significant change to the beginning of the story can change the whole plot, but will Pony ever be the same?
1. The Story Change rewritten

**This applies to this chapter and any future chapters.**

**Any sentences, characters, places, etc that are from the novel "The Outsiders" belong to S.E. Hinton. They are not, never have been, and never will be mine. I receive no money, or other goods for writing this story.**

**Ok, chapter one redone, more to come soon.**

As I stepped into the bright sunlight from the darkness of the movie house, I had only two things on my mind: Paul Newman and a ride home. I was wishing I looked like Paul Newman-he looks tough and I don't-but I guess my own looks aren't so bad. I have light-brown, almost-red hair and greenish-gray eyes. I wish they were more gray, because I hate most guys that have green eyes, but I have to be content with what I have. My hair is longer than a lot of boys wear theirs, squared off in back and long at the front and sides, but I am a greaser and most of my neighborhood rarely bothers to get a haircut. Besides I look better with long hair. I had a long walk home and no company, normally I like walking alone but I had a bad feeling about it today.

I had just decided that I definitely didn't want to walk home alone today, and was headed for the payphone down the street when two things happened so fast it still makes my head spin thinking about it. One was sirens ripping through the domestic silence as a cop car came screeching around the corner, which made the blue mustang that had been slowly cruising down the street take off faster than I could blink. The other was my world tilting backwards as I was pulled into the alley I was standing in front of.

I yelped and struggled to fight the hands that were pushing, and holding me to the ground. There were too many of them and I was having trouble fighting back. The fists and kicks were coming thick and fast, and though most of them didn't have a lot of force behind them I could feel some of the damage done to my body already.

"Shut him up Rod! Shut him up!" someone said off to my left.

I was yelling something fierce by now and occasionally getting a limb loose enough to hit someone, but there were about two guys holding me down to every one hurting me. I was getting slugged and kicked far more often than I was getting loose. I'd about decided to try grabbing the next limb that came at me and biting, when something hit my head and for one scary minute I was hovering between consciousness and unconsciousness. What woke me out of the daze was two things that made me more scared than I'd been in a long time. The first were words that didn't make sense until the second thing happened.

"Damn he's pretty. Even with the bruises starting to show." One voice said.

"Keep him still while I do this and you can take him after me." Another replied.

The words were coupled with the realization that my jeans were undone and there was a hand reaching down the back of my boxers. Just as the questing fingers found their way between my butt cheeks I managed to get free completely. I was up and running before I knew what I was doing, and by the time I was at the end of the alley I had managed to get my jeans done up without breaking my pace. I rounded the corner, making my way towards home without watching where I was going or looking behind me. As I was running I thought I heard my name being called but all I could think about was trying to get away from the pounding footsteps following me. My ribs were burning from the pace I was setting myself, and oddly enough I thought at that moment that if I ran like this at track we'd never lose again. I was at the lot before I came back to myself, though I only stopped running when I tripped over something… make that someone. I somersaulted over the prone body of my best friend and sat there stunned for a moment.

"Johnny!" I cried out between gasps of air.

"Damn Ponyboy! That hurt!" he stopped after getting a good look at me. "Jeez Pony! What the hell happened to you!"

Before I could answer I heard the sound of running behind me. Johnny didn't look scared but I was too terrified to stay and find out just who was behind me. I jumped up and was about to grab Johnny so we could run, when I felt arms wrap around me from behind. My mind went white with terror as I yelled and thrashed around out of instinct. _'No! I wouldn't let it happen again!' _But as much as I struggled the vice like arms continued to hold me close. A familiar voice soothed nonsense in my ear, as it had a few times after really bad nightmares, and I slowed down long enough to realize who it was that was holding me. Darry. A new fear took over my mind then, not that I was truly afraid of my oldest brother. I was scared of what he and everyone else would think of me when they found out what had happened.

**Ok, a lot more description than before. I hope after all these years I'm a better writer than before. I'm sorry for my long absence, I have no excuse. Time and my muse got well and truly away from me. I do hope I haven't annoyed people too too much.**


	2. Please Don't ask rewritten

Darry's arms continued to hold me tight and it was beginning to hurt. I wondered for a second whether it was from running or the bruises, and just how badly I was injured since it was starting to hurt to breathe. I'd stopped struggling but Darry didn't let me loose, he probably figured I'd bolt as soon as he let me go. I don't think I could have if I'd wanted to. Soda came into my line of view and his eyes widened very slightly at the sight of my face. I could tell he was trying not to react, which means I must look really bad.

"Easy honey. What happened Pony? Are you ok?" Soda asked.

The rest of the gang was in front of me now, having finally caught up. Dally swore upon seeing me, Steve looked a little sick, and Two Bit looked dead serious. Jeez what was up with everyone, they were looking like they did after Johnny got jumped. I opened my mouth to answer Soda but I was too scared and dizzy to get out what I really wanted to say.

"I… I uh… Darry could you let go? You're kinda killin' my ribs." I finally blurted out.

He dropped me immediately. I wasn't really expecting the sudden release, even though I'd asked for it, so I ended up sitting down kind of hard. I hope that didn't look as stupid as it felt. Nobodies laughing though so maybe they didn't really notice. Or maybe I look beat up enough that they just don't care right now.

"Sorry." Darry said as he sat down in front of me with Soda.

I didn't know what to say to that because I knew he wasn't really sorry. He's never been sorry for anything in his life. A few minutes later my oldest brother was behind me again with his hands on my shoulders, like he was trying to steady me or something. Wait. When did that happen? Soda's kneeling in front of me cleaning off my face with his handkerchief. When he touched certain spots that felt funny the white cloth came away stained red. I blinked and had the feeling that my eyes were closed for longer than I thought. A voice was trying to catch my attention so I tried to tune back into what Soda was saying.

"You got cut up a little, huh, Pony?"

"I did?" damn that sounded dumb to me after I said it.

"Yah baby, did they have a knife?" Soda looked concerned.

I tried to remember but the only thing that came to mind was getting hit in the head with something other than a fist or boot.

"They must have, I didn't see it but they hit me in the head with something."

"That's it baby, talk to us. Tell us what happened." he was speaking in that low soothing voice he uses when I have nightmares, and it occurred to me then that what had happened was just like a living nightmare.

I opened my mouth again and nothing came out. Everyone looks worried, even Dally and he never worries about anything except maybe Johnny. Wait a minute. What's Dally doing here? He'd been in jail recently for robbing a store, and as far as I knew he wasn't due to get out for another couple of weeks. To my surprise my voice worked again and the first thing that came out was,

"Hey Dally. I didn't know you were outta the cooler yet."

He gave me a funny look for a minute, as though he was wondering just how hard I'd been hit in the head, before answering.

"Yah kid, they let me out early for 'good behavior'." he said the last two words as if they disgusted him. Which, knowing Dally, they probably did.

Steve opened his mouth before Soda could start talking again.

"And I'll just bet you're spoilin' for a fight Dal. So…" He was looking at me weird but Soda interrupted his sentence with a look.

"So why don't you tell us what happened Pony? Who beat you up baby?" he said as Steve shut up.

"Come on little buddy, talk to us." Darry spoke up. Why did he just call me that? That's one of the things he calls Soda.

"They only beat me up cuz I wouldn't hold still." I said before I could stop myself.

They were all giving me funny looks now, even Johnny who looked even whiter than usual. I knew I would have to start talking soon, but I silently promised myself never to tell them the truth, at least not all of it. I wish my head would stop spinning so much, it's hard to think. Well all good lies start with a grain of truth, and it's best to keep things simple so here goes.

"I was headed for the payphone down the street from the movie house when I got jumped and pulled into an alley. I tried to fight them, but there were too many. When I finally got loose I ran and only stopped when I tripped over Johnny. Sorry bout that by the way." I said as fast as I dared.

'_Please let them buy this.'_ I plead silently, hoping they don't ask to many questions.

**I'm hoping to get a lot more done this weekend since i'm off, but for now it's nearly midnight and i have work tomorrow.**


	3. I'm Sorry Soda rewritten

I was sitting on the front porch watching the sun set later that evening, when I found out I'd gotten off easy earlier. They hadn't asked too many questions when we were in the lot, mostly they were about whether or not I recognized the guys who beat me up and I honestly didn't. I had kind of figured it was too easy. So it came as no real surprise to me when Soda came outside. He just stood there for a minute looking at me, as I sat there with my head leaning back against the railing. Finally he sat down next to me and handed me one of the two glasses of chocolate milk that he had brought with him. Mine had a straw which I was grateful for, he must have noticed how difficult eating dinner, the small amount I'd managed to eat, had been for me. My jaw, most of my face actually, was swollen from where they'd hit me the most.

Darry had told me, when he and Soda had checked me over at home, that some of my ribs were bruised pretty badly. Not enough to require wrapping up, but enough to be pretty sore. He'd determined that I'd be able to start training for track again in about four days. Darry had also given me a _quiet_ lecture about me having one of the gang with me when I went to the movies and such from now on. He'd then gone on about carrying a blade if I couldn't find anyone. The speech grated on my nerves even if it was a slight change of pace from him yelling at me.

The colors were beginning to fade from the sky by the time Soda spoke, "Are you ok Ponyboy? You've been kinda quiet, even for you, since we found you today."

"I'm fine Soda. I'm just tired, I'm gonna go do some homework and go to bed." I respond, refusing to look him in the face. I know if I let my guard down for even an instant around my brother I'll end up telling him everything. I just can't do that.

"Pony wait." he sounded almost desperate for some reason, though I couldn't fathom quite why. If I let them think I just got jumped then he shouldn't be so worried.

"Yeah?" I stopped myself from visibly flinching as I used the railing I'd been leaning against to help me get standing again.

He didn't say anything for a minute during which I could hear the T.V. in the house. It was turned down low for once because only Johnny was watching it while Darry sat in his chair reading the paper. Two Bit had gone off earlier for a date with Cathy, his current blonde. Steve had headed home around dinner time saying that his dad was in a good mood today and he didn't want to spoil it. Dally had taken off in a bad mood as soon as we'd left the lot, it was a given that he'd end up in some fight tonight I just hoped he'd come out alright. I may be a little afraid of Dally, and I know most of what he gets himself into he deserves, but I didn't wish him harm.

"Pony, was there anything you want to talk about that you couldn't in front of the others? You know you can always talk to me right?" my brother said finally.

His eyes held the strange pleading look they'd had at our parents' funeral, but I didn't know whether he was silently asking me to tell him the truth or asking me to tell him that nothing was wrong. I chose the latter, believing it to be the safer route. That thought oddly brought up the memory of a recent English class where we were reading a Robert Frost poem about two roads. I shook my head slightly, not remembering it properly.

"I'm fine Soda. I just have some stuff on my mind, nothing more than usual. It's no big deal." I said as I turned and walked through the door.

The sky was nearly dark by this point and it seemed strangely fitting. I heard him sigh and was sorely tempted to turn around and fling myself into his arms. Part of me wanted to tell him so badly, to let him hold me and tell me everything would be ok but I couldn't. I'm so sorry Soda. I'm sorry but you might not want me anymore if I told you. I know Darry would finally have his reason to kick me out, and I really don't want to go. I don't deserve you after what I almost let happen but I don't want to leave. I really want to cry right now but Darry is giving me this look like he's trying to read my mind or something. Johnny is asleep on the couch which is good because I don't like it when he's on his own at the lot or when he goes home, the rest of the gang doesn't either.

I'd finished my milk while I was walking to the kitchen so I rinsed my glass and left it for the morning dishes. I was just about to shut my door when I heard Darry's voice from his room, Soda must be giving him a massage from the grunt before he spoke. Darry is always pulling muscles; he roofs houses and he's always trying to carry two bundles of roofing up the ladder. Soda and I both think he works too hard.

"So did you find out what was wrong with him Pepsi Cola?" damn Soda must have been more concerned than I thought for Darry to call him that.

"No. That kid brother of ours shuts up tighter than a safe when he doesn't want us to know something. Darry I'm worried about him, he usually talks to me or Johnny but he hasn't yet." Soda's voice was soft which meant he was probably either trying to put Darry to sleep with his massage or not wake Johnny.

"I'm worried about him too buddy. Something spooked him real bad today and I don't think just a normal jumping would do that to him." Darry's voice was different. I spared a thought trying to figure out just what was off about how he sounded. There was something there, almost like he was actually concerned.

"It's what he said earlier that bugs me. About how he only got beat on cuz he wouldn't hold still. What the hell does that mean?" Soda sounded kind of different too, but I'd heard him like this a day or two after Johnny had been beaten up really roughly. I decided I didn't want to hear anymore so I shut the door quietly and went over to the desk. That thought I'd had earlier about choices and roads was nagging me, so I decided to find it in my book to reread before bed.


	4. It's Not Ok rewritten

A few hours later I found myself in a real nightmare, the dreaming kind. It all started with a familiar weight around my neck but my dreams registered it as something garish and horrible. I was being jumped all over again. Arms, hundreds of them, were holding me down and groping me. I was screaming and flailing as much as was possible but they kept holding me down, I couldn't get them off me. I could just barely see Darry and Soda standing nearby watching in disgust. I yelled to them for help and watched in horror as they turned and walked away without so much as a look back in my direction. NO! No, this couldn't happen. Not again! I was trying so hard to fight but nothing I did was of any use. One of the hands went down my pants again and I doubled my efforts to get away.

One of the hands was on my shoulder shaking me and a voice was calling my name. It sounded like Darry, but it couldn't be. Both of my brothers abandoned me, didn't they? They'd left me to the mercy of this _thing. _The voice grew more insistent and a second soon joined it. Now it sounded like both of my brothers were calling me and someone was definitely shaking me. My only thought as I woke up, both screaming and trying to gasp for air at the same time, was that it wasn't a dream and someone was trying to do _that_ to me again. I shot up, my body at a 90 degree angle, and ended up hitting my forehead against something hard. Someone swore and a pair of arms wrapped around me. NO! NO NOT AGAIN! I struggled my way out of those arms only to fall out of bed and land on the floor. Dammit that hurt… I hurt! Wait what was I doing on the floor of my room if I'd just been getting jumped?

"Ponyboy are you ok?" Darry asked sounding frustrated as he rubbed his forehead. Why is he the one rubbing his forehead when I'm the one who hit mine on something?

"Come on honey, finish waking up." Soda's soft voice came from the bed where he was perched looking worriedly down at me.

"Are you ok now? That was a pretty bad nightmare, worse than usual. You wouldn't wake up for nothing. What were you dreaming about baby?" Darry asked as he helped me up and back into bed.

What was I dreaming about! Shit I can't tell them that! Ok Pony start thinking since that seems about all I'm good for most of the time. Soda's arms went around me immediately and Darry sat on my other side as I sat there thinking, hoping meanwhile that it didn't look like I was trying to make something up. Then it hit me, I can be so stupid sometimes despite all my good grades.

"I don't remember. I guess it was just the normal nightmare, cuz I really don't remember." I said as I hung my head down so that they couldn't see my eyes. They always gave me away. I peeked up and saw them looking at each other as if they were deciding something important. Darry opened his mouth and Soda shook his head slightly.

"If you say so Pony, we'll let it go for now." my oldest brother's tone of voice told me that he didn't buy it and that we weren't through with this conversation, it would just wait for another day. Well night if you wanna get technical.

"Are you ok to go back to sleep?" Soda asked as he rubbed the back of my head being careful to avoid the bump I'd gained from the fight.

"Yeah, I'm alright guys. I'll be fine, I just need more sleep." My body jumped as I heard a noise in the hall. Fine, yah right.

"Ok honey, Darry and I are gonna be out in the hall for a few minutes, then I'll be back. We'll be within yelling distance if you need anything, you just settle down here for a bit." Soda said as he gently pushed me towards my pillow.

No, don't go please! I don't wanna be alone. I'm afraid they'll just come back and I won't escape in anyway this time! I wanted to shout, but as usual I kept my mouth shut and lay down to wait. I was just about to hyperventilate thinking about everything when I heard them a minute later even though the door was shut. Shit I must have woke up Johnny.

"Is Pony ok?" he asked quietly sounding half scared and half asleep.

"Yah kiddo, he'll be alright. It was just a nightmare. Why don't you go back to sleep Johnny, it's too cold to be out tonight. In fact we have a spare bed if you wanna start using that instead of the lot. Soda doesn't use it anymore and it's gotta be more comfortable than the sofa or the ground out there." I know Johnny would have protested had Soda not caught on and insisted that Johnny would be doing him a favor by using it.

Good, that would keep him safe on nights he wasn't at home which wasn't much better than being outside sometimes I figured. Johnny doesn't have a good home, his dad is real mean and always beats up on him. He even used a two by four on him once and Johnny didn't even make a sound. He's a lot tougher than most give him credit for, but he's quiet and jumpy from being jumped and nearly killed by that group of Soc's a while back. Hey, this is a good idea. Maybe if I keep my mind on other things I won't dream or have to think about _it_ again. Dammit! Well that didn't work for long. I could hear the mumbling of Darry and Soda talking about something but they were keeping their voices low this time. A few minutes later I heard Darry's door shut and mine and Soda's open. I pretended to be asleep. He sighed as he crawled under the covers and wrapped his arms around me. I couldn't help it, I stiffened up instantly. That was all Soda needed to tell him that I was still awake and scared of something.

"Easy Pony. It's ok. Whatever it is it's all gunna be ok. You're safe here, I've got you and no one can get to you here. Go to sleep baby, I've got you."

Oh Soda, if only you knew how not ok it is. How could it be? I'm so sorry Soda, but you can't know. No one can. It never will be ok again. It took me hours to fall back asleep even with my brothers comforting presence beside me. The thoughts just kept circling through my head. What had happened that day, and what would happen if I ever told my family about it. I sometimes wonder if it would be easier on everyone if I wasn't here, but I'm too chicken to really explore that thought. Finally I'm exhausted enough near four in the morning to close my eyes and hope that all I'll see for the rest of the night is the inside of my eyelids.


	5. He Found Me! rewritten

I slept late the next day, mainly because I only got back to sleep around dawn, and I only woke up to use the bathroom. Everything felt so stiff and sore that I didn't bother to look in the mirror, knowing already that I wouldn't recognize myself. As I opened the door to my room to go back to bed I heard the phone ringing. I was going to ignore it until I figured it might be one of my brothers checking up on me. I'd found a note on Soda's side of the bed when I got up. It said that he and Steve had been called into work because of some accident and that Darry was, as usual, working an extra day for overtime pay. By the time I got to the phone it was on its 10th ring. It was a little after noon and no one else was here so the house was completely silent for once, except for the ringing of course.

I picked up the phone on the 11th ring and the stillness in the house just made the near silence on the other end of the phone seem louder. I said hello several times but the only sound that came back to me was light breathing. A shiver ran up my spine but I brushed it off without a thought and hung up. A minute after I had, the door opened and Dally walked in with Johnny trailing in behind him. Dally stared at me for a good two minutes while Johnny went into the kitchen and brought back a couple of glasses of water. I hadn't even realized I was thirsty until he handed me on of the cups. He and Dally sat down side by side on the couch which left me standing there awkwardly. Johnny turned on the T.V. and Dal gave me a funny look until I sat down, uncomfortably, in Darry's chair. It used to be Dads chair and I could still remember crawling up into his lap while he told me and my brothers stories when we were a lot younger.

My favorite had been about how me and Sodapop got our names. Apparently Darry had been given a Pepsi by a nurse while he and dad were in the hospital waiting room since mom was in labor with Soda. Darry offered Dad the drink, when he noticed how worried he looked, at the same time as the nurse came out and said that his son had been born. He'd been splitting his attention between Darry and the nurse so to him it came out sounding like, "Daddy soda pop… has arrived". I guess he thought that was a great name cuz that's what he used and Darry who was 3 going on 4 at the time had no idea what he'd done when dad told him he'd just named his new brother.

When it was my turn 3 year old Sodapop had just discovered what he thought was the greatest thing in the world. Pony rides on Dads knee. So while Soda was demanding, loudly, for a pony ride the nurse came out to tell him 'it's a boy'. Dad had once again been splitting his attention and heard, "Daddy! Pony… Boy!". According to my mom three weeks after I'd been born Darry walked up to her and told her to send us back now because he was done playing with us. She didn't stop laughing that day, or any day she told us about it after.

"Yoo Hoo… Earth to Ponyboy!" Dally's annoyed tone snapped me out of my memories.

"Huh? What's up Dal?" I asked as he waved a hand in front of my face.

"Nothin' much kid, I've just been talkin' to ya for ten minutes while you sat there lookin' like you're lost or somethin'." Dally said looking exasperated.

"You ok Ponyboy? You've been acting real weird." Johnny's voice was quiet but laced with concern.

"Sorry Dally, I was just remembering somethin'. And I don't know why everyone keeps askin' me if I'm ok, I just have stuff on my mind… Sorry Johnny, I'm fine, just a little outta it." I am sorry Johnny, but I can't tell you, I can't tell anyone what's wrong. I hadn't meant to snap at Johnny like that, I was just really frustrated. Why wouldn't everyone just leave the subject alone?

"Anyways I was sayin I was gunna ask if you wanted to catch a movie tonight at the Nightly Double, but I dunno if you're in any shape to be going anywhere. Maybe I'll hunt up some other action tonight."

I looked down at his hand. His ring, which he had rolled a drunk senior to get, was back on his finger.

"You break up with Sylvia again?" I asked, unsure if that would be a good thing or not. Sylvia wasn't good for Dally, but he controlled his temper a little better when she was around him. Not that he let her come around here much; he'd said something once about her being the wrong kind of influence for Johnny and I.

"Yeah, and this time it's for good. That little broad was two-timin' me again while I was in jail." from the look in Dally's eyes he either meant it this time, or he needed time to cool off and she'd be back hanging off of him in a few weeks.

Two Bit chose that moment to show up and he turned the T.V. up as he flopped down on the floor. That seemed to put an end to conversation. Half an hour later the phone rang again, since I had just gotten up to go look for something to eat I picked it up and said hello. Somebody laughed on the other end but before I could say anything there was a click and the line went dead. Again as I put the phone down I shrugged off a freaky feeling of dread and went to the kitchen. Twenty minutes later Soda phoned from work to ask how I was doing and if I needed anything. I think he would have pushed about how I was if he hadn't had some customers to deal with. As soon as I'd hung up with Soda the phone rang again and I half expected Darry to be on the other end. Boy was I ever wrong.

"Hello little stallion. Remember me? I certainly remember you. And you won't get away a second time. See you soon." there was laughter again, a click, and I found myself standing there shaking with the dial tone ringing in my ear. NO! No it can't be true! He found me!

**Ok, 5 down and only 14 to go until I continue.**


	6. Just Drop It! rewritten

"You ok kid? You look a little pale." Dally said as he watched me carefully, like he expected me to fall down or something.

No. No I'm not ok! How the hell can I be ok if they're not only after me but they know where I live? I thought it was just random, how did they get my phone number? Dammit I'm shaking like a leaf, I gotta stop this. I can't let them know who it was. Ok, Pony, calm down. I thought to myself as I took a big gulp of water trying to quench my dry mouth and throat.

"Who was that on the phone Ponyboy? You look too spooked for it to be one of your brothers." damn Two Bit must be sober, you can never tell with him until he starts observing things. Think Ponyboy, Think! Not the truth, I can't ever tell them the truth. If I do then they'll tell my brothers and then I'd be in real trouble. God why'd I have to be so damned weak. If I were big and strong like Darry or Two Bit then I'd have been able to get out of there faster. If I'd been stronger they might not have tried to jump me at all. Ah hell, the guys are looking at me like I'm mad. I've been thinking too long again. How do I get around this? Maybe I don't have to _really_ lie, at least not completely.

"Just somebody playin' a prank. They said some pretty gross stuff, laughed, and hung up." I was looking at the floor again, trying to hide my eyes.

There, that wasn't a total lie and they can't possibly guess it was a guy from yesterday. I hope. I shivered again remembering that voice on the phone and I couldn't help but place it to the face from yesterday. He was the one that had been on top of me doing the worst of it all. I could still feel his hands, touching me, smell his breath in my face, hear his voice and feel his eyes boring into my mind with the thoughts of what he was going to do to me. Dammit I'm going to hyperventilate or pass out or something. I really don't feel to hot right now.

"Ponyboy!" I jumped and my head snapped up to see Dally in front of me. I winced from the pain it caused me.

"What?" I asked completely confused and still shaken, though thankfully Dally had just shocked me out of the physical symptoms.

"Geez kid, you sure you're ok? You're outta it more than normal. You get hit in the head harder than we figured yesterday?"

"Yeah I'm ok. I'm just tired." I said avoiding his eyes again.

He wasn't buying it, that much I could tell from one quick look at his face. I noticed that someone had turned off the T.V. and all three of them were staring at me. Damn why can't they all just leave me alone! I just want this all to be over! Johnny looks downright scared while both Dally and Two Bit, who had gotten up and come over to where I was standing, look like they're about to say something. The phone rang again; I couldn't stop myself from jumping at the sound and taking a step away from it in fear. Please no. I don't know if I can take hearing that voice again. I started shaking worse than I had been a minute ago and everyone was still staring at me which wasn't helping. Dally's eyes narrowed, not in a glare but he looks like he's trying to figure something out. Please Dally just drop it. Please.

"You gunna get that kid?" he asked finally on the fifth ring.

Not if I can help it I'm not. Nope, no way no how! I am not dealing with this. Shit I feel like I could start bawling again at any moment. It's too hot in here, I can feel myself sweating and the room is starting to blur a bit. Shit this is not the way to convince them I'm ok. But I'm not ok. I just want someone to take care of me. I want this to never have happened.

"Actually I'm gunna go back to bed. I'm real tired." I replied thinking quickly.

I turned and walked back to my room as fast as I figured I could without acting too strange. Damn this hurts, I'm too sore from being so tense and jumping all the bloody time. Before I reached my room two things happened to make me pause. Johnny caught up to me and tossed his arm around my shoulders, almost like he was protecting me, and I heard Dallas' voice as he picked up the phone.

"Hey Darry. Yeah. Yeah he's just gone back to bed. No. I don't know man. No he's still acting weird. Yeah. Nah man I've seen a few guys like this after they nearly got killed out in New York but something seems different this time. Yah of course I'm sure, I wouldn't have said it if I wasn't. Nah I'm not taking off for a bit. Yah ok. Bye."

This isn't working! I have to behave normally or they're gonna figure it out. I'm obviously doing something wrong for even Dally, who doesn't care about me at all, to stick around and try to figure me out. Shit, how did everything go so wrong! Johnny was sitting on the bed next to me not saying anything. For some reason I found this comfortable, maybe because him not saying much is so normal. I knew what he wanted though, he wanted me to tell him what was wrong, but he wouldn't push. Not unless I completely freak out and break down. No I can't! Not while they're suspicious. I can't freak out, at least not in front of anyone. There was a knock on the door and Two Bit stuck his head in.

"Hey Pony I almost forgot. I grabbed ya something while I was at the store this morning." Two Bit grinned and took a few steps into the room. Two Bit Matthews is famous for shoplifting and his black handled switchblade, which he could not have acquired without his first talent. So when he said he'd grabbed me something from the store, he meant he'd stolen it. He pulled a book out of his back pocket and tossed it to me grinning like a maniac. He never stays unhappy for long.

"I saw it this morning and thought I remembered you sayin' somethin' bout it." he said over his shoulder as he walked back to the living room. I looked down only to see the cover of 'Gone With The Wind'.


	7. Wait Soda! No! rewritten

Three hours later and I was losing my worries to what had become my favorite book. I'd finished my homework an hour and a half earlier and then Johnny had asked if I would read him the book out loud. While doing this I was slowly able to start relaxing and forgetting. I'd been feeling kind of sick all day so I was reclined on the bed, half propped up on the headboard, while Johnny sat on the floor with his back against the bed. He had a look of wonder on his face that told me he was imagining the story as I read it. We both jumped when we heard the door slam and all my fears came flooding back. Johnny smiled at me reassuringly though he was a bit paler than before. A yelled greeting told me Two Bit was back, he'd left the house for a while after giving me the book. I was surprised, though, when Darry came in looking like he'd made up his mind to say something until he got a look at me. He seemed to change his mind mid stride and sat down on the bed staring at me for a minute. Johnny had beat a hasty retreat to the living room when he'd seen the look on my oldest brothers face.

"You feeling ok honey? You look kinda sick kiddo." He asked finally as he put the back of his hand lightly to my forehead before I could flinch back. No I'm really not scared that my brother would hit me, I truly don't think he would, I'm just jumpy when a hand comes at my face right now.

"Yeah I'm ok Dar, I don't know why everyone seems to think I'm not." I replied leaning back from him. I regretted it almost instantly because it had felt real nice and cool against my skin. Damn it was getting hot again.

"Yeah, I'll just bet you're ok baby. You're getting a little warm there buddy. Do me a favor ok? Take some Tylenol and get some rest all right?" he asked quietly. I nodded, sleep sounded like a good idea.

Darry went out and came back in a minute later with a couple of pills and a glass of water. He stayed in the room with me for a little bit and just before I fell asleep I felt him wiping my forehead with a cool damp cloth, just like mom used to do when I was sick. The next time I woke up Soda was sitting on the bed with his back to me talking softly. I don't think he realized I was awake yet.

"Oh Pony. I wish you would talk to us. You're scaring us honey, first getting jumped which wasn't your fault, then keeping something about it a secret, and now you're worrying yourself sick. Please Pony, why can't you just trust us? How are we supposed to protect you if we don't know how or who to protect you from? I don't know how to chase away a nightmare if it happens while you're awake. Please, just tell me what to do honey. Don't keep running away from us. What happened to you baby brother that you think you can't talk about?" he whispered sounding choked.

Soda started to turn towards me so I closed my eyes quickly and pretended to still be asleep. I heard him sigh and almost opened my eyes, but I know if I do that I'll end up telling him everything. Soda doesn't need my troubles. Besides, how could he possibly want to protect me after what happened. After what I almost let happen; how could I be so weak?

"That's right Pony, you just keep sleeping and get better. We'll try talking later."

I open my eyes a crack when I hear the door open and then close again softly. Soda had left the room so I open my eyes and ponder what my brother said absent mindedly. Why didn't I trust him? I do trust you Soda, but if I tell you then you won't love me anymore. I can't live with that. Soda I can't tell you and I'm sorry that I'm hurting you… SHIT! What if that guy starts after my brothers! Or one of the gang! I felt bile rising up in the back of my throat at the sudden thought and made a dash past my brothers in the hall. I just made it to the bathroom in time before I got sick. In an instant of realizing what was going on Soda was stroking my hair and soothing soft nonsense in my ear. When I was done Darry handed me my glass of water to rinse my mouth. Tears stung at the back of my eyes but I tried to hold them at bay.

"I think that answered the question of whether or not you're hungry buddy. You can try some soup or something later, for now let's get you back to bed so you can get some more rest." Darry said as he led me back to bed.

He stayed close to me while we walked; I guess he figured I could fall down at any moment. The way my body feels right now he might be right. My vision was swimming and I shook my head trying to clear it. That was a bad idea. When did my head start hurting so badly? And why are my ears ringing? At least I think it's my ears…

"Soda, you go grab the phone while I get him to bed." my oldest brother said as he steadied me and kept herding me towards the bedroom. Wait a minute. Phone… Soda… WAIT SODA! NO! I gasped and tried to find some words that might stop my brother from picking up that phone. The last thing I remember was taking a step towards the living room and the floor rushing up to meet me.


	8. Lying To Myself rewritten

Someone was shaking my shoulder and a voice was calling my name. No, wait. Several voices were calling my name. I tried to ask whoever it was to stop shaking me, but my mouth wasn't working and what came out was a groan. Everything was blessedly silent and still for a moment. My head was pounding and my eyelids were heavy as I forced them open a bit.

"I think he's coming round." someone, I think Steve maybe, said. The shaking persisted and I really wished it would stop. At this rate I'm going to get sick again. I groaned again, the only kind of warning I could give at the moment. My oldest brother's voice broke through the fog that was my brain, his words coming through crystal clear.

"C'mon kid. Wake up! Glory, if you ever do this to us again…" Darry never finished what he was saying but I had a lot of ideas about what he'd do. Him kicking me out seemed foremost in my mind. Oddly enough, to my muddled mind, he sounded worried to me. Another voice broke through my pounding head.

"Take it easy on him Darry. C'mon Pony, wake up time." Soda said softly.

"Wake up Ponyboy, you're scaring us!" why would Darry be scared for me? I opened my eyes more to try and see what was going on. The shaking intensified and I found that my mouth finally worked.

"I'm ok. Quit Shaking me Darry, I'm ok." I said finding my throat dry and my voice hoarse. He stopped immediately and looked a little sheepish. Now that's one expression that I never figured to see on my oldest brothers face. The gang had surrounded me and was looking down at me with concern. Gee, this is getting familiar.

"Uh, what am I doing on the hall floor?" I asked the first thing that came to mind. Once again everyone gave me odd looks, yup this was getting real old, real fast. At least I hadn't taken anyone out with me this time, I didn't think I had anyways. No one was on the floor with me, so that was a good sign.

"You're sick buddy; you passed out for a minute. You think you're ok to walk back to bed for some rest." Soda asked gently ruffling my hair.

If I can get standing and stay that way then I can walk. The question is can I stand without the world tilting. I nodded, which was a dumb idea, and Darry hoisted me to my feet. He kept his grip until I started to shuffle off to my room. Soda stayed one step behind me, along with Johnny and Two Bit, and sat on the edge of the bed after I'd lain down. Looking at him brought back the fear and dread that I'd felt before I unceremoniously met the floor.

"Um, uh, Soda?" I muttered hunching my shoulders and looking down at the bedspread.

"What's up Pony? What do you need little brother?"

"Who… Who was on the phone?" I really didn't want to ask that question, but I had to know.

"What? Oh, uh, I didn't answer it. You kinda distracted me. Oh well. They never phoned back so it must not have been important."

"What's got you so worked up about the phone lately Pony? You still worried about the prank call for some reason? You've sure been jumpy since then." Two Bit said looking intensely into my eyes. I hate it when people look at me like that, it's like they're trying to look inside my head… Great, he just told Soda about the phone call. Now what do I do? Oh I guess they're waiting for an answer. I have to think of something fast.

"It's probably cuz he's sick." Johnny spoke up surprisingly. He was standing by my head facing the other two. Is he protecting me? I looked at him outta the corner of my eye. He was shaking but he also looked determined. He _is_ protecting me. Johnny almost never speaks, and never once have I heard him speak so forcefully. He was standing up to members of the gang of all people. He'd never even done this before he'd been jumped last year, and it would have been unheard of now. If I hadn't seen and heard it myself I never would have believed it.

"Yeah, you're probably right Johnnycake. Listen Johnny, why don't you stay in here with Pony, keep him company, while I go make dinner?" Soda suggested soothingly and Johnny relaxed a little. My life just got a little weirder, and right now that's saying something.

"I'll go get you some more medicine Pony, then you should get some more rest if you can." my brother continued as he and Two Bit left the room.

"Hey Johnny, why don't you read the book out loud for a while, that way you can still ask me stuff and I'll still be resting." I finished saying that quickly when he looked like he was going to protest. Johnny looked like he was still going to say no until the phone rang again and, despite the vow I'd made to myself to act normal, I jumped. Dammit! Stop it! Be rational, it was just a prank earlier. Probably just some jerks heard those guys gloating about jumping me and wanted to get in on it by scaring me. Stop freaking out. Nobody knows what happened and they're not going to find out. I hope… but then how did they know who I was, and how did they know my phone number? That thought nagged me for awhile, but I resolved not to think about it.

I was calmer by the time Johnny climbed onto the bed next to me and started to read aloud. Darry interrupted a moment later to bring me more Tylenol and water. He smiled a little when he saw Johnny with the book, and left as quickly as he'd come. I was nearly asleep when Soda called Johnny for dinner. The next time I woke up it was Sodapop crawling into bed beside me.

"How ya feelin Pony?" he asked when he saw that I was awake.

"Better." I said after contemplating the answer for a minute.

"That's good. You gave us a bit of a scare passing out like that. Darry was going nuts trying to wake you up. He was worried something awful and Dally was all for rushing you to the hospital. He said you were acting weird all day and when that happened he was half sure you were hurt worse than we figured." I stared at him in disbelief.

"Sure." I said trying for Soda's sake to keep the sarcasm out of my voice. Darry didn't care an ounce for me, I was a nuisance to him, so why Soda figured he'd been worried about me was beyond me. As for Dally, I was just as amazed that he would care about anything other than himself and Johnny. The shade of difference that separates a greaser from a hood wasn't present in Dallas Winston. He is tougher than the rest of us – tougher, colder, and meaner. Then again I have to wonder if that's true or not. He sure seemed to be acting strangely earlier. Acting almost like he cared, like he wanted to protect me and destroy what had hurt me. It was almost like how I'd seen him treat Johnny sometimes.

"You tired baby brother? You're daydreaming again." Soda said softly as he threw an arm over me.

"Just thinking about how different everyone was acting today. Dally half treated me like he does Johnny, and Darry didn't yell at me or lecture me or anything. He was acting almost like he used to when… when mom and dad were alive." I finished after finding it hard to choke out the last sentence. I still can't believe their gone. Soda turned and looked at me.

"Listen to me Ponyboy, Darry loves you. He always has and always will. When Darry hollers at you… he don't mean nothin'. He's just got more worries than somebody his age ought to. Don't take him serious… you dig, Pony? Don't let him bug you. He's really proud of you 'cause you're so brainy. It's just because you're the baby – I mean, he loves you a lot. Savvy?" I shrugged and told him that I was tired when he looked like he was going to try to explain again.

In a second his breathing was light and regular. If I turn my head to look at him right now I know he'll look like a Greek God come to earth. I sighed and turned my head away instead. I don't quite get what he means about Darry. Darry thinks I'm just another mouth to feed and somebody to holler at. Darry love me? You're wrong Soda, Darry doesn't love anyone but you. I don't care, I lied to myself, I don't care about him either. Soda's enough for me. I don't need Darry to care about me. I'm still lying and I know it. I lie to myself all the time. But I never believe me.


	9. We're Watching You rewritten

Darry made me stay in bed most of Monday so I was real glad to be up and off to school Tuesday morning. I'd gotten up early to make breakfast and was going over my books to make sure that I'd done all my homework. Especially the stuff I'd gotten from Two Bit, whom I'd made pick up my assignments after school, when Darry came into the kitchen. He grabbed his plate of eggs and a slice of cake with a smile. I sat at the table silently hoping that things would be normal now, that they'd forgotten about the way I'd behaved this weekend. Darry looked at me after he'd finished eating. He just looked, he didn't say anything, didn't put any expression to it, he just looked at me like he was waiting for something.

This is torture, why is he doing this to me? What does he want? I was perfectly normal this morning, besides being up early enough to make breakfast. He's still just staring at me. I shifted nervously, trying to concentrate on anything but my oldest brother. I can't take this! Stop staring at me Darry, stop it please. I, I just can't, maybe I should just…

"Um, Darry. I, I uh." Soda interrupted before I could say anything more.

"Does anyone know where my work shirt is? Or my shoes?" Soda said as he ran in and started shovelling eggs into his mouth. Darry looked frustrated and gave Soda a pointed look that made him pause for a moment. Soda suddenly looked a little guilty and quickly finished his eggs and large slice of cake.

"You're shirt is in my closet, I ironed it, and your shoes are in front of the couch in the living room. Hurry up and get ready for work, I'll give you and Steve a ride." as he said this Steve, Two Bit, and Dally came strolling in shouting out a hello and slamming the door.

A few minutes later Johnny came out of Soda's old room dressed and looking more than a little tired. Darry looked like he wanted to kill something, but I was glad that I hadn't told him. If he could make me tell just by looking at me, then I wanted as much distance between us as I possibly get could right now. I just want to forget that Saturday ever happened. I grabbed Johnny as soon as he'd finished eating, and we took off to school. Johnny kept shooting me concerned glances as we walked and I was beginning to wonder if maybe I needed space between him and me as well. Dammit why can't they just drop it! Then the words I feared most came out of his mouth and I almost bolted.

"I know what happened to you Pony. What really happened, but I want to hear it from you. We need to talk about it man."

_**Johnny's Point of View.**_

I knew Pony would keep his mouth shut the second he tried to hide the fear I saw in his eyes that day at the lot. He'd been truly terrified and the second I saw that look in his eyes I knew one of two things had happened. Something horrible was chasing him, I figured a whole lot of Soc's, or something had happened to scare him to the point of panic I'd reached once myself. I knew right then that I'd have to be the one to protect him, no matter what it was against.

So when it was the gang that came running into the lot after him I was completely confused. Why would he be running from them? Then a different look of terror had crossed his face when he realized who was holding him. Was Pony afraid of his oldest brother? No that made no sense. Darry'd never done anything that would make Pony _that_ scared. He couldn't have with the gang so close by, not that he would. Darry loves Pony. He just doesn't show it right sometimes, but it's there, obvious for anyone to see if they look. Not like my family, they wouldn't care if I never came home. I wonder if they've noticed that I haven't slept there for a few nights yet.

Pony decided something that day; I saw it in his face when everyone started asking questions. I guess he must have decided not to tell us something though because he's been pretty damn quiet since, and he keeps avoiding things. All of my teachers have always told me that I'm too dumb for school; Pony tells me that I'm like a dog with a bone when I find something that I understand or want to know about. I'll worry at it until I've finished figuring it out. Well it's time to put some of what I do know to work. I'll protect you from anything Pony, even the gang if I have to, but I want to know why I need to. I don't know if your brothers, or me, can watch you go through the nightmares you've been having for the past three nights. Dally's used this trick on me before, I hope it works on you.

"I know what happened to you Pony. What really happened, but I want to hear it from you. We need to talk about it man." please talk to me, you're my best friend and I don't wanna see you keep torturing yourself.

He's tensed up and shaking a little after I say this. I've seen him look like this once before, right before we beat a hasty retreat from some Soc's. Oh shit he's gonna run.

"C'mon Pony, don't take off on me. I already know what happened so what's the point of hiding it?" please don't run, please don't run.

_**Pony's Point of View**_

NO! It's not possible, he can't know. I gotta run, I gotta get away. I can't take this, please Johnny no. Don't tell me that you know what happened. Please, please don't let him know! How did he find out? How is it even possible that he figured it out?

"C'mon Pony, don't take off on me. I already know what happened so what's the point of hiding it?" no, no, no. This can't be happening.

Why, why couldn't he just let me be? Why did he have to find out, wait… how _did_ he find out? alm down, I know this trick. Johnny's bluffing, why would he want me to tell him if he already knows what happened. God, that's twice today I almost told someone. How am I going to keep this up?

"Stop it Johnny. If you already know what happened, then you know that nothing happened, other than I got jumped by some jerks. Listen, I gotta go, I have to go see the track coach and tell him I won't be able to practice for a bit." I said ducking away from Johnny now that we'd reached the school.

I was thankful that I didn't have any classes with him though I felt bad for thinking that. Johnny's only trying to help like the rest of them, but they don't realize that they're not helping. All I want is for them to leave the subject alone. I reached my locker and opened it after some book juggling. I didn't think twice about bending down and picking up the piece of paper that floated out, after I'd put my books on the shelf. I looked at the folded sheet of paper in confusion. I don't remember leaving any sheets loose in my locker. I opened it slowly and nearly stopped breathing when I read what was on it.

_Looking forward to our next encounter little horse. Just so you know, the only reason we let you get away is so that we can have more fun chasing you this time. We're watching you, and you will be ours whenever we choose to take you. _


	10. Please, Somebody Help! rewritten

It's a prank. It's gotta be just a prank. They wouldn't dare harass me here, there are too many greasers that would help me, I hope. Two Bit would help if he knew they were after me, so would Johnny, and I think Steve would so that Soda wouldn't get mad at him. But… But they don't know and I can't tell them. It's too late to tell anyone, I have to deal with this on my own. I can't go back and change what I've already done; I have to stick up for myself. They can't know, I won't let them, and if that means I have to face this on my own then that's what I have to do. I'm scared. Dammit I'm shaking again, but I can't back down now. Maybe I should claim I'm sick again and have Two Bit drive me home… No, Darry would just make me go to the doctor. So what am I going to do? I can't do this on my own, but I have to.

I looked at the letter again and shuddered. That first part, '_Looking forward to our next encounter little horse_' that reminded me far too much of the phone call. I grimaced at the memory and suddenly realized that if this was a prank it would probably go farther than I hoped. My stomach is so knotted up right now and all I want to do is go home and crawl back under the covers. I know I can't though. If I start avoiding school the gang will definitely know something's up. Not that they're not suspicious as it is.

These thoughts plagued my mind as I crumpled the sheet of paper and put it into my pocket as I walked to class. I had kept the books I needed for that class out when I'd been at my locker so I just started walking on autopilot. I bumped into a few people in the hall accidentally while I was lost in thought. One of them I recognized mainly due to her hair, Cherry something. She ignored me as most girls do in this school, and the ones that don't I steer clear of on my own. I don't think I'm ready for girls, I'm only 14 after all, and that's one of the few things that Darry says I use my head about. Besides, Two Bit and Steve told me and Johnny a bunch of stories that scared us away from girls a year or two back. We actually ran the other way the first time we ran into a girl after those stories. Sylvia never did understand that encounter, though I thought she was scary enough before that.

I stepped into my math class hoping to forget everything that had happened and threw myself into school work. Those hopes were dashed half an hour later when a note with my name on it was passed to me from the boy in front of me. He was new, and someone I didn't remember seeing before. I opened the paper expecting it to be a request for work we'd covered in the class, but what I got was nearly enough to send me running. It was another note, similar to the first, in the same handwriting. It told me that they would see me at lunch. I panicked for a moment before I remembered that Two Bit was here and I always went out to lunch with him, Steve, and Johnny when he was here. I forced myself to calm down and act normally through the rest of class; but the way I was feeling, I might not have to act sick. When the bell rang I jumped out of my seat and walked as quickly as I could out of the class room and to my locker to get my next set of books. There was a card taped to my locker door but I just tossed it into the locker not bothering to read it. _Why can't they just leave me alone?_ I thought, as I rested my head on the small metal door.

"Hey Pony what was that? A love letter? Don't tell me you weren't listening when I told you about girls." Two Bit said from behind me making me jump. No matter how drunk he gets he's always managing to sneak up on someone, mainly me and Johnny.

"It's not from a girl and it's definitely not a love letter." I replied quickly and absent mindedly earning myself concerned glances from all three of them.

Steve and Johnny have been standing behind Two Bit the whole time and I suddenly realized that Johnny didn't look to good. He was half leaning on Steve and looking real pale, more so than usual. I wonder if he has what I had the other day. Oh hell, I hope that didn't sound too suspicious… The way they're looking at me I think it did.

"Ok. You wanna explain that comment kid?" Steve asked though it sounded more like and order. After what I'd been through these last few days though, I wasn't in the mood to comply with anyone's commands.

"Not really. What's up guys?" I turned from them and began making my way to my English class. They trailed along behind me and I could hear them muttering as we walked. Just outside the door to my class Two Bit finally cleared his throat to regain my attention.

"Johnny's sick and Steve needs to go talk to his boss so I'm driving them. We probably won't be back till after lunch. We saw you on our way out and I figured I'd let you know so you didn't go lookin' for us later." My legs nearly gave out when I heard him say that. No, no, no! Take me with you, please. Don't leave me here when they're going to come after me! I wanted to tell them that I'd go with them; I knew Two Bit wouldn't object, but Darry would skin me if I skip class like that. I blanked my face and ducked into the room after telling Two Bit to make sure Johnny went to our house to rest.

Why? Why can't something go right for once? Why is this happening to me? I couldn't help but think of how much better things would be if mom and dad were still alive. I went through class as if I were an empty shell of myself. I sure felt that way. Detached and numb. I was sweating by the end of the lecture and I'd missed several questions that the teacher had asked me. He came up to me after and asked me if I was alright. I nearly lost my temper at that point because I'm really beginning to hate that question. The end of that period was the signal for lunch and I was beginning to feel like someone had just doused me with ice water. Shit what do I do? Where can I go? Run, run, run! I gotta escape. The notes said they'd be after me so I have to get out of here. But where? Hell, I don't care I just have to get away from here! Away from them. Anywhere. Someone, anyone, please help me!

"Curtis!" I didn't stop my mad rush even when I heard that familiar voice. I almost didn't register it and when I did I sped up thinking that it was one of _them_.

"Ponyboy!" no, that voice was too familiar, I knew who it belonged to now! I turned, half scared that I'd be wrong but I spotted the face I had finally connected to the voice. When I saw him I nearly melted in relief because I knew I could count on him for help, no questions asked.

Curly Shepherd was barging his way through the crowd towards me. If there's a greaser I can count on to watch my back, outside of the gang, it has to be Curly. This is mostly based on the facts that he loves to fight, and he loves to get revenge on Soc's who jump anyone he knows. Of course it helps that the latter always leads to the former in Curly's case. He caught up to me and we stopped at my locker to deposit my books before he demanded we _"get out of_ _this hell hole"_ as he called it.

"Hey, listen up Curtis. I got something to tell you. You gotta start watching your back more out here. Some guys tried to grab Angela the other day, they was tryin to rape her, but she was lucky and got away. We never did find those no good dirty rotten…" he went on cussing them for a minute or two and I was beginning to wonder why he was telling me this.

"Anyways, the other problem is that I hear the sick fucks aren't sticking to just girls. Rumor has it that they've gone after a guy or two as well."


	11. Wait! He's Alone? rewritten kinda

"Hey Curtis you ok?" Curly raised an eyebrow at me. The way I looked seemed to suddenly dawn on him and he immediately wanted to know who had beat me up. Like I said before, Curly is big on revenge.

"I'm fine Shephard but I'm really beginning to hate that question. I just got jumped is all. I didn't get much chance to see them cuz there were too many to keep track of, but I got in a few good hits before I got away. No big deal, it's not like it doesn't happen to greasers everyday." maybe if I keep saying it out loud I'll convince myself too.

"Yah I hear ya. Bloody Socials! To busy actin' all high and mighty to take it out only on each other but that don't stop em going after us. They ain't so different, they bleed same as we do." he finished saying with a sadistic smirk. I often wonder what goes through Curly's head, or Tim's or Dally's for that matter, but I think if I ever found out then I'd be too afraid to go near them again. It's not fair. This life isn't fair to us. Not at all.

"It ain't fair." I said quietly.

"It ain't fair that we get all the rough breaks." I don't know exactly what I meant or why I said it. It just felt right at that time. I started thinking about Johnny's father being an abusive drunk and his mother a selfish slob, and Two Bit's mother being a barmaid to support him and his kid sister after their father ran out on them, and Dally – Wild, cunning Dally – turning into a hoodlum because he'd die if he didn't, and Steve – his hatred for his father coming out in his soft, bitter voice and the violence of his temper. Sodapop… a dropout so he could get a job and keep me in school, and Darry getting old before his time trying to run a family and hang on to two jobs and never having any fun – While the Soc's have enough free time and money to jump us. I was even more scared of them now though. If it had been a normal jumping I could have handled it, but now they were doing other things besides just beating us up.

Curly raised an eyebrow at me again, I swear I will figure out the trick to that one day.

"I know, the chips are always down when it's our turn, but that's the way things are. You'd better wise up, Pony… you get tough and you don't get hurt. You look out for yourself and nothing can touch you. Tim taught me that early and it's about time you learned it." his eyes had hardened and that seemed to be the end of the conversation.

When I think about it I can't help but realize that Curly is a bit of a contradiction. He would swear by what he'd just told me, about looking out for himself only, but here he was, his school is all the way across town, warning me about watching my back cuz of what a new group of Soc's were doing. Unless some of the members of his gang were off terrorizing Socials right now then he'd also walked here on his own to tell me this. I smiled to myself but I was careful to keep it hidden from him.

We sat there smoking in silence for the rest of lunch; there was an informal football game going on across the field and between us and it there were about a dozen or so different groups that hung out together. The jocks are usually sectioned off into four packs of people in different sports (Football, Baseball, Basketball, and Track and Field) and then clustered together, the cheerleaders had their own little section of space that few dared enter, then there were socials from the upper west side, socials from the lower west side, the upper middle class and lower middle class would sometimes hang out together but only sometimes, and then closer to where we sat were the different groups of greasers. There were about five or six different unofficial gangs of greasers, and though most of them normally went elsewhere for lunch there were a few still here today.

When the warning bell rang Curly tried half heartedly to get me to skip the rest of the day but he knew I wouldn't. He stopped me just before I went back in and I was surprised that he looked awkward.

"A bunch of us will be here after school to pick up Angela, so if you want to walk with us we'll be around. It's not a good idea be alone with those sick bastards out, specially after you just got jumped, it makes you an easy target." he said not meeting my eyes. Yup, Curly is definitely a contradiction; but that's one of the reasons we hang out sometimes when he's not in juvie.

"If Two Bit doesn't come back I will. See ya later Curly."

"Watch your back Curtis." he said before walking away.

Despite being tough hoods who supposedly only cared about themselves both Tim and Curly watched out for people they liked. True if those people did something to them then they would fight it out, but they'd still pal around after. The perfect example of that was Dally and Tim, I can't count how many fights those to have gotten into but they still watch each others backs. Tim's not bad sometimes either, though he mostly scares me even more than Dallas. As I walked to my locker I began to remember the time me and Curly were playing chicken by holding lit cigarettes to each others index fingers and sweating it out without making a sound. Tim happened to come along and saw that we were literally burning the flesh off our fingers and knocked our heads together. I still have the scar.

I went to my next class a bit more relaxed because I figured that one way or another I would be ok after school. What I didn't think of was how much time was between now and the end of school.

_Two Bit's POV_

Damn Ponyboy's been acting weird lately, I've never claimed to understand him but he's a good kid. I'm beginning to see why Darry gets so frustrated with him at times though. All Darry wants to do is protect him but Pony doesn't get that, which makes it all the more annoying when he doesn't use his head. Pony doesn't seem to get that he's the one with the talent and brains to get outta this place. Darry wants to give him what he never got a chance to have himself. The kid can beat this crap about Greasers and Soc's if he smartens up, we all know it but him.

My thoughts were interrupted for an instant by another car cutting me off. I like to drive fast but that's because I know I can react fast enough to keep out of an accident. It doesn't help that the police just don't understand that. Steve swore at the other car and flipped him the finger as we passed him; I was suddenly glad we'd already dropped Johnny off because that would have been a little close for his nerves.

These last few days though, Pony's really been out of it. He scared the crap out of all of us passing out like that; and he's been hiding something since he got jumped, it's pretty obvious to us but I can see that he hopes it's not. He's been as tough to get information out of as Johnny is.

I just barely stop at a light in time, I gotta start paying more attention to driving and stop thinking about such gloomy things, but I just can't let this one go. I looked out of the corner of my eye at Steve and noticed that he looked confused about something. I decided to chance wondering things on this topic out loud.

"What do you think about the way the kid has been actin' lately?" I asked him trying to keep my face neutral when he looked at me in surprise. I like to make light of most situations which makes most people think that I either don't think or that I don't care. Pony's never treated me like that and I guess that's one reason I like him. He might be the youngest one of us but he's smart when he uses his head for stuff other than books, he once talked me out of a speeding ticket _and_ a parking ticket in the same day.

"He's hiding something for sure but I'm not worried. Soda'll get it outta him and then we'll beat the tar outta the Soc's that jumped him. I know he's normally quiet but the way he's avoiding questions is getting on my nerves." Damn Steve has a lot of anger in him. Ok time to lighten the mood again and take his mind off of brooding.

"Yah he's good at dodging things when he wants to. I almost coulda used that skill he has for talking his way outta things yesterday though." I replied thinking quickly. A t-bird full of girls drove the opposite direction from us and we both stopped to look for a minute. No blondes but some damn good looking girls, too bad they're Soc's.

"Yeah? What happened yesterday?" he asked taking the bait as I knew he would.

"Well, I was walking around downtown and started to take this short cut through an alley and I ran into three guys. I says 'Howdy' and they just look at each other. Then one says 'We would jump you but since you're as slick as us we figure you don't have nuthin' worth takin'.' I says 'Buddy, that's the truth' and went right on. Moral: what's the safest thing to be when one is met by a gang of social outcasts in an alley?"

"A judo expert?" he suggested.

"No, another social outcast!" I yelped out trying to control my laughter only because I'm driving and the street is busy right now. I succeeded in making Steve laugh and he looked less stressed after that. Things would be a lot better around here if everyone would just relax a bit more. As I pulled into the gas station the first thing we saw was Dally and Tim Shephard sitting on the bench outside the building. I joined them while Steve went inside to talk to his boss about working a few extra shifts.

"Hey Matthews, its good you're here, you should hear this too." Tim said after barely glancing in my direction. He looked ticked off about something so I chose to sit as far away from him as I could, but the bench isn't all that long unfortunately.

"There's a new group of Soc's hanging around, not from round here. They've been going after our girls, nearly got Angela the other day. The little Bitch managed to get away." Tim smiled ruefully when he mentioned his sister escaping. Him calling her a bitch was a compliment in his mind.

"Hope ya found em and beat the shit outta them." Dally replied as his eyes took on that dead stony look they get when he's real ticked off about something. Great I'm surrounded by two guys spoilin for a fight and I'm the closest person around. I have to tread carefully if I don't want to end up in the hospital.

"We went lookin' but we ain't found them yet. You can bet we're gunna get em good when we find em though. Anyways, Angel told me somethin' that really pisses me off even more. When they had a hold of her they was sayin' crap about how they only grabbed her to burn off some tension. That the _boy_ they'd had their hands on earlier was better lookin' but she says that they said he got away too. Those sick sons of bitches! They're not only goin after our girls. Those perverted bastards are goin after boys too!" Tim looked ready to kill someone and I noticed that Dally was doing the same thing I was, slowly edging away from him. Tim left not long after that saying that he was going to go look for them some more. I noticed then that a few of his gang were in his car which was parked near the end of the parking lot.

I studied Dally's face as we sat there after Tim had left, and I immediately knew that he was just as angry as Shephard. I guess maybe he's thinking about them going after Johnny or someone else he knows. About twenty minutes of silence later Steve came out to tell me that he was staying here to work since he was already ahead in shop class and had a study period after that today. Dally and I quickly filled him in on what we'd been told and I watched as his face too went from calm to furious in a matter of moments. Steve hates everything to do with rape. He told us a few months ago that one of his cousins had been raped and ended up pregnant. She killed herself because of it. She and Steve had been kinda close, so he took it real hard.

"I'll let Soda know but one of you might want to let Darry know since he gets off early today. Hey Two Bit didn't you mention seeing someone new hanging round at school this morning?" Steve looked mildly concerned.

"Yeah they were hangin' round by Pony's locker, that's why I noticed him."

"Hey if you guys took Johnny to the Curtis' place already then where's the kid at? Didn't you bring him with you?" Dally looked almost accusing as he said this.

"He stayed at school." Steve replied shrugging.

"Wait. He's alone!" Dally burst out.


	12. What The Hell! rewritten kinda

I flinched as a hand reached around me and slammed my locker door shut. I closed my eyes for a moment steadying myself after jumping at the noise, and grateful that I'd just moved my hands out of the way before it had happened. I've been trying my hardest not to shake or break down all day and this really isn't helping. No… no I can't take this anymore. It's still school hours and I should be safe; I shouldn't be scared out of my wits but that's exactly what I've been all bloody day. Why? Why won't they leave me alone?

My hands were empty which made it all the more obvious that they were shaking. I hitched my thumbs in my jeans, slouched, and turned to face whoever it is that's behind me. From the way I feel I'm most likely pale but I have to at least act tough. I just hope that whoever it is will believe this charade and leave. Turning around slowly I find a reason to relax slightly as I recognize the boy who is now in front of me.

Jason. He's on my track team but I've got reason enough to be leery of him, Jason is from the lower middle class but he's always trying to class himself as a jock and a soc. Though he's never done anything to me, I know that Jason will do anything to make people acknowledge him, and _anything_ often means danger for greasers. This is not my favorite person in the world, much less in school, and I have a really bad feeling about him today. Jason leaned in close peering at my face. I realized suddenly how dangerous this school is because as this was happening, both the students and the teachers alike either didn't notice or don't care. People are swarming around us not paying any attention to the fact that Jason, who is a good half foot taller than me, is intimidating me in a menacing way.

"Huh. I guess coach wasn't kidding about you not being able to practice for a while." I looked at him in the face and expected to find him smiling, laughing, or gloating. Jason hates the fact that I'm a better runner than he is.

I'm surprised that he looks serious right now; I wonder what's going through his head. Jason looked thoughtful and though I know he's not the smartest guy in this school, he often bullies people into _tutoring_ him. The tutoring is more along the lines of cheating; it shouldn't take him this long to come up with something to say. He leaned closer to me and I had to keep myself from flinching again or taking a step back.

"Listen Curtis, and listen good. I'm only going to say this once and if you spread it around then I will not only deny it but I'll beat you to a bloody pulp. You savvy?" I nodded but I didn't back down as he was expecting me to. I want out of here but I can't go without looking like a coward.

Jason doesn't scare me really, he would need his buddies with him if he were to beat me up because he's a horrible fighter, even stiff and sore as I am I can still take him. No the reason I want out of here is because he is breathing in my face and he really needs a mint.

"What is it you want Sommers?" I asked hoping he would at least take a step back. He didn't.

"I'm failing English class and I need to bring my grade up to stay on the Track team. You're a nerd when it comes to school, in that class especially. I need you to sit by me in next weeks test so I can learn what you're doing by watching you. You get me? Now like I said, if you spread this around you'll look worse than you do now. I suggest you think on what I said." He commanded, glaring at me. He was about to step closer which would force me to finally step back, but he never got the chance.

A hand landed hard on his shoulder, and I looked past his startled face to see Dally gripping Jason. From the way Jason went pale and the strain I could see in Dally's hand I could tell that Dally's putting his strength into his grip. Two Bit suddenly situated himself between me and Jason. I don't know what's more surprising to me, the fact that Dally is here or the fact that they're reacting so extremely. People are starting to stare, but I guess it's a little hard not to when Two Bit or Dally are involved. I just want to crawl under a rock somewhere right about now, I'm not much of a crowd person unlike Sodapop.

"Well we suggest you stay away from this kid and go find yourself someone else to bully into letting you cheat off them. Though it's probably a lost cause seeing as how you can't possibly have the brains to copy down the right answers. After all, you didn't have sense enough to stay away from a Greaser with friends." Two Bit growled out.

Wow is he ever pissed off. Two Bit always keeps his voice loud but good humored even when he's angry but I'd never heard this tone of voice from him, once from both of my brothers at the same time, but never from Two Bit. I couldn't see his face but I imagine at the moment it's as deadly as I'd seen Dally's get on occasion, as it is now. What the hell is going on?

_**Two Bit's POV**_

I felt myself go cold as Dally reminded us that Pony's alone at the moment. I know the kid is tough when he needs to be but I don't want to risk either Pony or Johnny out on their own with that group of bastards around, I'm just thankful that Johnny's already safe.

Steve looks awful pale and I figure that despite his careless ticked off attitude around Pony he doesn't want him hurt. A car honked and Steve shook himself into motion to go service it. Dally was the next one of us to move as he turned and started towards my car only pausing to yell at me to move.

Pony, right, we got to go get Pony. I can't believe we left him alone like that. Especially with him being all jumpy. Something kinda bugs me about that thought but I can't put my thumb on it. I ran over to the car and jumped in with the keys already in my hand. I peeled out of the parking lot and tried to drive as fast as I could but we seemed to hit about every red light between the DX and the school. I'd have run the lights but Dally threatened to kill me if we got delayed by the cops. Hold on kid we're almost there. I felt myself getting angrier by the minute as we drove; in truth I was also getting scared. When I looked over at Dallas I could tell by the look on his face that these feelings were mutual. God help them if they lay a finger on Pony; because if we don't kill them, Darry and Soda will.

My mind flashed back momentarily to a couple of years ago when Pony had just started middle school and had been put in this big nation wide track meet. Some guy, a year or two older than Darry, had been after Pony for a few days to throw his race and had scared him real bad by threatening him. Darry and Soda found out and beat the tar out of the guy. They'd showed up to wish Pony luck and found the guy holding their kid brother by the front of his shirt and whispering things to him, things that made him go white with fear. Both Darry and Soda would have come close to killing that guy if they hadn't been interrupted. They're real protective of Ponyboy but sometimes I don't think he gets that.

I slammed on the breaks for another red light and listened to Dally curse about my driving for a second. It was then that I remembered Dally's reaction to what had happened that day.

He'd been ticked off about not getting a chance at the guy who was dumb enough to have messed with one of his gang. Dally likes to have something to hate, but all there is around here is the Soc's and against them you can't win so he settled for protecting us as best he could without it looking like he does. I wonder if that's why he's so angry all the time, because he knows he can't win against this enemy. Just before the race Dally found out that Pony was still scared of what that guy would do to him if he ran. I doubt Pony remembers this part but Dally took him aside and told him that his brothers would finish the guy off if he ever showed up again and if they didn't he would. He told Pony that the guy wouldn't be able to get anywhere near him with all of us around. Pony set a school record that day and has been mad about track since; it was also after that day that we all started teaching him how to fight.

I made a sharp turn and slammed the breaks hard as the car lurched into a parking space. To think some people don't believe that I know how to drive. Dally was cursing at me again, don't get him wrong he likes to drive just as recklessly as I do but he prefers to be the one driving. We ran into the school and into a horde of people. Damn it must be between classes. As we pushed our way through the crowds I could see Dally's patience growing thinner and thinner, and there wasn't much of it to begin with. Finally we caught site of Pony but what we saw made both Dally and I lose what little control we had left. Some idiot was crowding Pony by his locker. From the way he's standing and the look he has on his face he's definitely threatening the kid. We got close enough to hear him say,

"I need you to sit by me in next weeks test so I can learn what you're doing by watching you. You get me? Now like I said, if you spread this around you'll look worse than you do now. I suggest you think on what I said."

Well to say that he was doomed would be putting far too light a term onto that boy's fate. He moved to step closer which would have left Pony as good as pinned to the lockers. Dally got to them first and seemed to be trying to crush his shoulder with one hand. My vision was white hot with rage and I found myself standing between Pony and whoever this creep was. My voice when I spoke came out low and dangerous, much like Dally's often did.

"Well we suggest you stay away from this kid and go find yourself someone else to bully into letting you cheat off them. Though it's probably a lost cause seeing as how you can't possibly have the brains to copy down the right answers. After all, you didn't have enough sense to stay away from a greaser with friends."

People are starting to take notice, not that it matters. Dally pulled the guy outside, when he started to squirm and protest the grip, to have a little 'chat' with him about leaving his gang alone. It's rare to see because he tries his hardest not to show it, but good ol' Dal is just as protective of the gang as Pony's brothers are of him. I forced myself to calm down before I turned to the kid with a grin.

"Well it looks like I can't leave you alone for a minute without you gettin' into trouble. He hurt you any kid?" I was far more worried than I let on. I'll kill that guy if he touched Pony, not that Dally's not giving him a taste of that right now.

"Uh, Two Bit, not that I'm not grateful to ya'll for stepping in, but why'd you both go after him like that? I'm fine by the way, and no he didn't touch me. That was Jason and he does this every couple of weeks to other kids, but he's never laid a hand on me. Hey, what's Dally doing here?"

"Well we're here cuz I know you only have PE left and ya can't do that with you all beat up so I came to spring ya. Dally came along for the ride but the both of us were in a bad mood and taking care of that jerk seems to be what we needed, Dally especially." I didn't figure it would be a good idea to tell him the truth and scare him.

"Why are you in a bad mood Two Bit? Dally almost always is but not you." Pony looked innocently curious as he said this. Dammit, ok think fast. You can lie better than most so why is it hard to lie to the kid all of a sudden.

"Well we figured you'd be bored and we're already bored so we came to get ya but there was a lot of bad drivers today so we were pissed off." Pony looked thoughtful for a short time. Come on kid it's half the truth. Just believe me and drop it.

"But Two Bit, you're a bad driver so what's the difference?" he finally said with a smirk. I made myself look shocked for a moment before grinning like crazy but inside I was melting with relief.

"Yah, I guess that's true enough." I said smirking back before I raised an eyebrow at him. I know this drives him nuts because he can't seem to catch on to how I do it. Dally chose that instant to show up again looking much calmer and sporting skinned knuckles.

"Well children are we heading out or not?" Dally asked with mischief in his eyes. Yup he's in a real good mood now so I may as well play along.

"Winston I'm your senior by two years. Now show me the respect I deserve."

"Age and maturity have nothing to do with each other so I _am_ showing you the respect you deserve. None. Now get moving kid!" Dally's comment was still directed at me but it was Pony who went into motion. The bell for class had rung a few minutes before but the hall still had people milling about. Everyone was ignoring us after seeing Dally drag that guy off; they were smart to do so. Pony grabbed his books that he would need for homework and locked his locker again before turning to us with an expectant look on his f ace. I could tell by the light in his eyes that he wanted to add to the joke but didn't know how Dally would take it.

"Hey Pony, don't forget that Darry gets off early today since he's finished up the house he was working on." I watched as Pony's face suddenly fell when I said this. What the hell!


	13. Darry Loves Me! rewritten kinda

I'll believe Two Bits lie when pigs fly. Does he really expect me to think that he'd get angry over some lousy drivers? No, probably not, but I'll play along for now. What has them so worked up? They'd come flying in as if they figured I'd be lying somewhere dying, beat Jason into a bloody pulp or so I assume from the look of content on Dally's face, and now Two Bit is lying to me. Oh well, I'll get it out of him eventually. They're starting to joke about age and maturity and I can't help think that I'm more mature than the two of them put together.

"Hey Pony, don't forget that Darry gets off early today since he's finished up the house he was working on."

Oh shit! How am I supposed to keep everything a secret? I'm not ready to face Darry yet. What the hell am I supposed to do? What do I say to him after I nearly told him this morning? Two Bit is staring at me like he's afraid I'm going nuts. I'm beginning to wonder myself. Am I? No, no, no! Calm down. I can deal with this. I forced myself to smile at them as we walked towards the car. Two Bit was already cracking jokes when we were getting in. I was apprehensive by the time we pulled into my drive way, though Two Bit's driving sure didn't help.

Well, I'm just about ready to say I want to go back to school and face the Soc's instead of my oldest brother. I sat down on the porch and grabbed the book I'm reading for English class out of my pack. I sometimes read out here and normally no one bothers me, but today I had another reason for hiding out here with a book. If I can put off crossing paths with Darry then maybe I can keep my secret. I paused for a second as a thought suddenly hit me. Do I really have to keep this secret? Darry loved me when mom and dad were alive, so why should now be any different?

No! What am I thinking? Darry yells at me all the time now, he hates me. But… If Darry hates me, then why does he still tickle me to get me up sometimes? Why does he get scared for me when I have nightmares? Why does he want to know where I am all the time? He's kind of like mom was sometimes. Wait, why the hell am I doing thinking about all of this now? Darry doesn't love me, not now and not before. Just because we got along ok before the accident doesn't mean he loves me. Man my head is beginning to hurt. Ok, I have two options here, going in and facing my brother, or staying out here and possibly going nuts debating things in my mind. No choice really, I guess I'm going in.

I'd been staring out at the yard this whole time. My book, hanging limply from one hand, forgotten for the time being; oh well, I'll read it later. Suddenly it hit me, the truck isn't here. That means Darry isn't home. I'm safe! The door opened behind me and I found myself flanked by Two Bit and Dally as they sat down on either side of me. Ok, maybe I'm not safe from questions after all. We sat in silence for about five minutes while they seemed to be making up their minds about something.

"Listen Ponyboy we want some answers about why you're acting so strange lately. Now we have an idea but we hope we're wrong." Two Bit said as he got up and stepped in front of me so that he could look me in the eyes.

Oh no, oh hell no. I am not giving in this easily. My secret is mine to keep and if I can I'll take it to the grave. Wishful thinking, I know I'm not that strong, though I can't help but try. Think, think, think. I need something to throw their attention off of me. Johnny! Of course why didn't I think of this before?

"I don't know what ya'll are talking about. I already told you what happened. I was walkin' to a pay phone after the movie and I got jumped. There was too many to catch a good look at any faces, like I said. I know I've been jumpy since but I was sick before and probably a little off because of that. Now that I said that, I think I'll go check on Johnny."

Before either of them could sort that out or stop me I jumped up and went inside. Close one. After searching quickly I found him curled up in my bed, awake and looking miserable. Yup, he must have that flu or whatever it is that I had the day before yesterday.

"Hey Johnnycake, how ya feelin' buddy?" I asked gently as I sat gingerly on the edge of the bed.

"Pretty bad Pony. If this is how you felt the other day then I don't hold anything against ya for passing out like that. I think I might if I get up. Is it ok that I'm in your bed? This is where Darry put me when he came home and found me on the couch. He left to get groceries about ten minutes before ya'll came home." He didn't look like he would make it two steps from the bed if I said no, not that I ever would.

"It's fine Johnny. You just take it easy ok? Do you need water or anything, or do you just want to sleep?"

"A bit of water, then some sleep if you're sure it's ok?"

"I'm sure. I'll be right back with your drink." I said as I got up and went to the kitchen. Dally and Two Bit were sitting at the table talking quietly. They both started shooting me glances as I got the cup down and walked to the sink. Ok they're real subtle, not. They do need to be distracted though. I looked at the time and smiled. 2:30, perfect.

"Hey Two Bit Mickey Mouse should be on. I'm sure Johnny won't hear it if you keep the sound to a normal level." I said smiling with false enthusiasm.

"That's nice. Hey kid we need to talk. Sit down for a minute." Two Bit replied looking straight into my eyes. Shit, didn't work I guess. Oh well, at least I have an excuse to say no.

"Later guys, I need to take some water to Johnny." I quickly filled the glass with cold water from the tap and rushed back out of the room.

Yup, should have stayed at school. My mind flashed back momentarily to the notes I'd received. Then again maybe I'm safer here. I opened the door quietly in case Johnny had decided to fall asleep but he was more awake than when I'd left him.

"Hey Pony are you ok?" Johnny asked as if just remembering something. I quickly turned to shut the door so that he wouldn't see the grimace I made at that question. I sat down on the edge of the bed again as I handed him his water.

"Yeah Johnny, why wouldn't I be?"

"Soda phoned here earlier and told me to stay here. He said it wasn't safe to be outside alone anymore but he wouldn't say why. I figured something might've happened since we left you alone at school."

"Aw I'm alright. Only thing that crossed my path was Jason. Two Bit and Dally took care of him well enough. Hey, if you can't sleep how about we read more of 'Gone with the Wind'?"

"Yeah sure." He looked eager as I picked up the book and crawled onto the other side of the bed. I opened the book and found where Johnny and I had left off the day before. It only took half an hour before we were both sound asleep. I awoke only for a second when I heard the door slam and was nearly asleep again when my door opened in near silence. I thought I heard Darry's voice call softly to me but I was too close to sleep to answer.

The next time I woke up it was to the phone ringing which made me jump into awareness. Dammit, ok calm down before you accidentally wake Johnny up. The ringing stopped and I found it odd that no one had picked it up. My stomach made a mild protest and I crawled off the bed to go to the bathroom. When I had finished I decided to go out on the porch for a smoke but I stopped in the hall before I reached the kitchen. Two Bit and Dally were in there talking with Darry. Something about their voices made me stay put to listen. Maybe it was the fact that Two Bit's not talking loudly, or the way Dally sounds like he's trying to be patient for once.

"I'm tellin' ya Darrel there's a lot more going on than what the kid has been tellin' us. Besides what Tim told us about that group of jackasses being on the loose, I ran into Angela in the school halls after taking care of that son of a bitch. She told me some things that she didn't tell her brothers." That sounds like Dally.

"Do I want to know? Everything you've already told me is enough to make me want to lock the kids in the house to keep them safe." That's definitely Darry. I could see him doing just that too, if he didn't kick me out that is.

"It gets worse. Listen Darry, Ponyboy hasn't said anything but your kid brother keeps giving us the slip so we can't really ask. And I think Dally might be right." That's Two Bit I think, but he sounds depressed. He's being so quiet I'm having trouble making out all he's saying. The last time I'd heard him like this was when Johnny got jumped.

"Suspicions and facts are two different things, they don't always go together. I'll listen but I'll draw my own conclusions. Now, what did Shepherds sister tell you Dallas." Damn Darry sound really odd.

"She told me a couple a things actually. First, she didn't escape on her own, some guy showed up but she didn't see him. He told em to let her go. Said they didn't deserve any fun seeing as how they couldn't even finish the job he gave em. She heard him talking 'bout how they couldn't even keep a hold on one puny guy he'd sent em after." Dallas sounds like he's ready to beat something up again.

"Is that it? Dallas put that out I told ya'll not to smoke in the house." Darry just sounds annoyed.

"Nope that ain't it Darrel. Angela also told me that the guys that had her told him the kid was too fast for them to catch after he got loose, and one of em mentioned that the kid runs track."

"There are a lot of guys on Pony's track team, and a lot of other schools that have track teams. It could be anyone. I told you to put out that cigarette Dally." My brother is starting to sound desperate. Oh please, please don't let him come to that conclusion.

"Fine, fine. Look there's one more thing Darry. Angela also told me what day she got grabbed. It's the same day that Pony got grabbed and only a few blocks from where he says it happened. And don't forget what she said about how when they had a hold a her they was sayin' crap about how they only grabbed her to burn off some tension. That the _boy_ they'd had their hands on earlier was better lookin' but she said _they_ said he got away too. There are just too many coincidences for us not to be right. Look man, good news is Pony got away. Bad news is that we don't know how far they got before he did." Dally sounded tired, almost broken. No, that's impossible. Don't believe them Darry, please don't believe them.

"No… no not my baby brother. I… How could this have happened? What am I going to do? I don't know what to do about this. Why the hell didn't he tell me or Soda? I knew something was bothering him but I never imagined… What am I going to do?"

No! No he knows! I can't stay here. Darry knows now and he's going to decide he doesn't want me. I know it. How can he want me now that he knows? I won't give him that chance. I couldn't take it if he decides to get rid of me. I'll make the choice for him. I gotta get outta here.

I ran then and only vaguely heard the shouts as I went flying out the door. He hates me. He doesn't want me. How could he after everything that he just found out? Shit. I just wish none of this had happened. Why did Darry have to find out! Why! Why can't my life just be normal for once? In the back of my mind I heard honking and people yelling. I dimly realized that I'd nearly been hit by a car that I'd just run in front of. It doesn't matter now. Nothing matters anymore. Darry's voice had been disgusted when he found out. How could I have possibly thought, even for a minute, that he loved me? He can't possibly love someone as dirty as I am. I had taken an hour long shower after getting home that first day, but no matter how much I had scrubbed I could still feel that hand. Still sense how unclean it made me feel.

I stumbled and nearly fell. The way I caught myself sent a sharp pain up my leg from my ankle. I ignored it and continued running in spite of the limp it was causing. I finally stopped at the park and threw myself down on a bench near the fountain. My ankle started to throb the second I got off it which made me wince. It must be nearly five now, Soda'll be getting off work soon. Soda. God I wish you were here now Sodapop.

No. no I don't have that luxury anymore. I can just see Soda's face screwing up in disgust when he hears what happened. Just like it did last year when he found out Sandy was screwing around on him after only three weeks of dating. She didn't last long. I can hear how Darry will tell him too. 'I told you that kid had no street smarts Pepsi Cola. He went and got himself raped. Ah well good riddance, he's gone now and not likely to be back. If you want I'll get you a dog to replace him Soda.'

"Shit I've gotten myself into a real mess now." I said aloud as I silently started a long rant of cussing. Am I doing the right thing here? Do I really need to be running away like this? I wonder if Dally and Two Bit were trying to get me to leave before Darry came home. No that's not Dally's style, if he knew and thought I should leave then he would have told me and kicked me out before I would have known what was going on. So if they weren't trying to get rid of me then what were they doing? Soda seems to think that Darry loves me, but I don't know how he can think that. Nobody loves me. They couldn't, now that they know.

Even as I thought this a memory of when I was 6 came unbidden to my mind. Darry was picking me up after I'd fallen off of my bike and I was crying a little because I'd cut my forearm on a rock. Some other kids came by and started teasing me until Darry chased them off.

"You're ok Ponyboy. Don't worry about those jerks baby brother. I'm going to take care of you for ever and always. I'm your biggest brother and I'm supposed to be protective. Besides I'm kinda glad mom kept you after all." Darry had been really protective since then, and that had been our favorite joke between us. It stemmed from him telling mom to send me back because he was done playing with me. Memories were flashing in my mind as I weighed whether or not Darry could possibly love me. The memories consisted first of Darry yelling at me, pushing me around, and all together making me feel like a pain in the neck.

Then different images, happier ones, took over. Darry hugging and cuddling me after I had a nightmare, Darry chasing some Soc's off because they were bugging me when he came to pick me up from the movie house, him helping me with my homework even when he was tired, keeping an eye on me while I was sick and making sure I always had enough to eat. In that moment I called myself an idiot and put two and two together. I finally managed to come up with four. Or three as our family's case may be. Okay seven if you count the gang. Darry really loves me.

"He loves me, he really does, and I just took off like that. I'm an idiot." I had only a few short moments to revel in my discovery before all hell came crashing back into my life.

"Hey little stallion, looks like we finally caught you alone again. Shall we pick up where we left off? You're coming with us greaser."


	14. Am I Sure? rewritten kinda

Oh gimme a break! Why can't my life go right for once? As I stood there staring at the gang of Soc's who had attacked me before, I found myself wishing for a switchblade or a broken bottle. Anything really, I'll take anything I can use. If I was honest with myself though I knew it wouldn't have helped, even if I did have something like that. I stared at them coolly. Maybe they _can_ scare me to death, but I'll be dead before I give them the satisfaction of knowing it. I'm a greaser not a hood or a bum, I still have my pride.

"You're outta your territory," I warned in a low voice. "You better watch it."

"Nup, pal, yer the one who'd better watch it. This time there's no getting away, you either come with us or you'll be dead _after_ we finish what we started the other day."

Oh shit. There were less of them than the last time but I got the feeling that they weren't lying. I flinched almost imperceptibly when 3 out of 8 of them pulled out blades. Shit, shit, shit, I'm definitely in trouble.

"You know what a greaser is?" the one that had been on top of me last time asked. "White trash with long hair, but they'll make do for a quick fuck."

I felt the blood draining from my face. I've been cussed out and sworn at, but nothing ever hit me like that did.

"You know what a Soc is?" I said, my voice shaking with rage. "White trash with mustangs, madras, and sick perverted minds." and then because I couldn't think of anything bad enough to call them, I spit on them.

The guy in front shook his head with a smirk.

"You could use a bath, greaser. And maybe another good working over before our fun and before we take you with us to see the boss. Give the kid a bath David."

I ducked and tried to run for it, but the Soc caught my arm and twisted it behind my back at the same time that my ankle gave out in protest. He somehow managed to drag me to the fountain even though I was struggling something fierce. Suddenly he shoved my face into the fountain water and even though I fought my hardest, the hand at the back of my neck was strong. I had to hold my breath as I got held under the water and as I began to tire one thought crossed my mind, and it scared me out of my wits. I'll never get to see my brothers or the gang again. Even as my vision was going dark around the edges I continued to struggle. Unexpectedly I was pulled out of the water. I immediately started coughing and gasping even as I was being pulled backwards. I was stumbling over my own feet and barely acknowledged what was going on around me.

"Get him to the cars and tie him up David. We can't afford to lose him a second time. Go! Get him outta here, we'll deal with him later." I recognized the voice as belonging to the one named Rod from last time and the phone call. Tie me up! Get me outta here! Hell No! I managed to free myself just as we got to the line of cars that were parked about half a block from the fountain. Unfortunately running seems to be out of the question right now. I thought as I tried to pick myself up off the ground where I had landed face first when I'd tried to run. Someone yelled my name in warning and I flipped over to look at what David was doing. Shit! I managed to roll out of the way just before he swung the metal pipe. It landed right where my head would have been had I stayed put. He brought it back up to take another swing at me but before I could move again something landed heavily on him. Make that someone. A very pissed off someone.

"You sick son of a bitch I'll kill you for laying a hand on my best friends kid brother!"

I blinked in amazement as Steve continued to beat the crap outta David. Wait a minute. STEVE! Somebody grabbed me by the front of my shirt and I found myself staring into the face of the guy who'd tried to rape me. I was scared for only an instant before anger took over and I did exactly what I'd secretly wanted to do since I laid eyes on him. I hit him with everything I had in me and we both ended up on the ground. By this time I had figured out what was going on; the gang, minus Johnny, had come searching for me and was now beating up the guys who had jumped me twice. I caught sight of Darry and Dally each fighting two of them, Two Bit had one in a choke hold, Steve was still beating David to a bloody pulp, Soda was going nuts on his guy and looked angrier than I'd ever seen him, and I seem to be actually pretty well matched to this guy when he doesn't have his friends holding me down. We were still on the ground rolling around trying to hit each other without getting hit. It wasn't too long before the Soc's were running and most of the gang ran after them to throw rocks at their cars.

Darry hauled me to my feet and Soda had me in a bear hug before I could say anything. Darry was just kind of standing there like he wasn't sure what to do. When Soda let me go Darry and I just stood there staring at each other for a moment. Am I sure? Am I really sure that he loves me? He went to duck his head and turn away; it was then that I caught sight of what Darry was trying to hide. His eyes were moist, no not just damp, Darry was crying! He didn't make a sound, but tears were running down his cheeks. I hadn't seen him cry in years. Suddenly I broke out of my daze.

"Darry!" I screamed, and the next thing I knew I had him around the waist and was squeezing the daylights out of him.

"Darry," I said, "I'm sorry…"  
He was stroking my hair and I could hear the sobs racking him as he fought to keep back the tears.

"Oh Pony, I thought we'd lost you… like we did Mom and Dad… When I saw you laying in that water… barely moving… oh God." that was his silent fear then - of losing another person he loved. He and Dad had been real close and they'd often been mistaken for brothers. As the memories of them rose I wondered how I ever could have thought Darry to be uncaring and unfeeling. Soda threw an arm around each of us and just stood there not really looking at us or saying anything.

We finally broke apart and composed ourselves, though I noticed that Soda stayed real close after that. I went to take a step towards home and nearly fell because of my ankle. Gosh I hope it's not broken. Both of my brothers were immediately by my sides.

"Easy honey. Are you ok?" Soda asked as he and Darry steadied me.

"Yeah I just sprained my ankle kinda bad is all. I'll be ok." I was then amazed as Darry stepped in front of me and knelt down with his back to me.

"C'mon baby brother. I'll give you a piggy back ride. The truck is at the end of the park." I felt my ears go scarlet red and I was hoping no one would notice. Soda helped me onto Darry's back and after a few steps I started to calm down. I leaned close to Darry's ear and whispered quietly, but loud enough for Soda, who was walking close beside us, to hear.

"I'm so sorry. I've been such an idiot that I don't know what else to say."

"Ponyboy why didn't you tell us? We've been going out of our minds trying to figure this out. We could have helped you earlier than this buddy." Darry replied as we started down a hill.

"I… I thought you would be mad at me. I thought that you two wouldn't want me anymore. I thought you would kick me out. I guess I wasn't thinking straight." I was nearly crying again.

"Ponyboy… baby we would never do that. No matter what you do, you always have us and a home. Always. And this is not your fault, you hear me little brother? It's not your fault." Soda said with shocked wide eyes.

"But I…"

"Ponyboy it's not your fault!" Darry said firmly as we reached the truck. They helped me inside the cab of it and Soda climbed in beside me while Darry got in the drivers seat. The rest of the gang hopped into the bed of the truck and started talking animatedly, at least in Two Bit's case, as we drove home. During the drive I started to relax into sleep snuggled in between my brothers with the familiar muffled sound of the gang being loud. I closed my eyes as I leaned back and just enjoyed the contentment. We were home before I knew it. Soda was shaking me gently.

"Hey, Ponyboy, wake up. You still gotta get to the house."

"Hmmmmm," I said sleepily, and lay down on the seat. I couldn't have gotten up to save my life. I haven't been sleeping the greatest since that night a couple of days ago. I could hear Soda and Darry, but as if from a great distance.

"Oh come on Ponyboy." Soda pleaded, shaking me a little harder.

I guess Darry was tired of fooling around, because he picked me up and carried me in.

"He's getting mighty big to be carried." Soda said. I wanted to tell him to shut up and let me sleep but I only yawned.

"It's alright. I can still carry him easy enough for now." Darry said.

He likes to show off his strength whenever possible. Don't get me wrong he's not a typical brainless jock, actually Darry is really smart and that bugs him sometimes. He once almost shattered Steve's jaw when Steve made the mistake of calling him all brawn and no brains. Darry never forgave him for that because he's never really gotten over not being able to go to college. I was nearly asleep again when Darry put me on the bed and only woke up slightly to see who flung an arm across me because I knew it wasn't Soda.

"Are you ok Pony? I wanted to come and look for you but the others made me stay here." Johnny whispered next to my ear.

"M'alright. Go to sleep Johnny, m'tired." I mumbled back and curled into him. A few hours later I was vaguely aware of Soda climbing into bed which sandwiched me between him and Johnny. I fell asleep again a little squished but content for the time being. I should have known it was too good to last. I woke up silently from a nightmare and lay still for a few moments before managing to squirm out of the bed without waking the other two occupants. I smiled as I watched them shift around until Johnny was curled into Soda who had thrown his arm across Johnny's shoulders. Johnny needs that attention more than he realizes. I quietly limped out to the kitchen and got myself a glass of chocolate milk which I almost dropped when I turned around to find Dally at the table watching me. I steadied my nerves and reminded myself that I didn't need to hide anymore. Dally raised an eyebrow at me and I shrugged back. I really gotta learn that trick.

"Can't sleep kid?" he asked as he raised his can of beer to his mouth.

"No I can't right now. It's a little crowded in there tonight." I replied quietly then took a sip of my milk. He motioned to one of the chairs and I hesitated only long enough to wonder if he was still pretty sober. A drunken Dally holds even more potential danger than when he's sober because he'll forget who he's talking to and beat up anyone he thinks even looks at him wrong.

I sat down and wondered if he would say anything or if he just didn't want me standing there awkwardly. Not that sitting here awkwardly is much better. I was half finished my drink before he spoke.

"So you wanna tell me why you kept avoiding it? You sure gave Two Bit and me the run around yesterday. Not to mention all the times your brothers tried to get it out of you."

"I dunno. I didn't really want anybody to know I guess. I thought I could handle it on my own." I said almost inaudibly not looking up. God I hope he's sober.

"That was dumb kid. They could have really hurt you."

They already beat me up and tried to kill me. How else could they have hurt me? I know a girl at school who got raped but she said it only hurt for a day or two and she was fine afterwards. Besides it's not like I can get pregnant. These thoughts ran through my mind like a tornado but I didn't say any of it aloud. Instead I looked at Dally in confusion and whispered one word.

"How?"

"Listen Ponyboy. I never told no one this before but I figure you need to hear it. When I was in New York I knew this kid who kinda reminds me of you. He looked nothin' like you but he was always dreaming things up and reading. His older brother was part of the gang I was in and we kept an eye on him. One day we were walking around until we had to meet the kid when we heard this moaning in an alley. Normally we would have ignored it, it ain't safe to be curious round places like that, but we recognized the kid's voice when he called for help after that. We found him behind a dumpster beat up real bad and his clothes were pretty much shredded." He took a couple swallows of beer and eyed me intensely before continuing.

"He told us everything _except_ that he was raped. He was really quiet and jumpy for a few days like you've been and he managed to dodge all of our questions, just like you've been doing Ponyboy. He was in pain for days and one day he got really sick, we finally got what really happened out of him. We made him go to the hospital and he died a few hours later. The doctors said that he was hurt inside somehow and that there was nothing they could do for him anymore. Now I want to know what really happened kid because I don't want you dead too. Your brothers wouldn't be able to handle it. The rest of the gang, they're tough, but not tough enough for that."

He was scaring me and he knew it. But I'm ok. I got away before they got my clothes off enough. His hand down my pants was more than enough to scare me out of there fast. I told myself. They didn't really rape me, they only tried to.

"They didn't actually rape me Dally. I'm fine." I said firmly but still softly as he looked straight into my eyes. He was trying to tell if I was lying or not. Dally finally settled back and took another drink. I had finished my chocolate milk, which I'd been nervously sipping while he talked, and was just sitting there wondering what to do next.

"You're ok kid but you gotta toughen up. Now get to bed before I smack you." I glanced at the counter behind him as I stood up and saw several empty beer cans and bottles there. Ok maybe he's not as sober as I thought. It's as hard to tell when he's drunk as it is to tell when Two Bit is sober. I rinsed my cup and left it in the sink to be washed in the morning before heading down the hall. I didn't stop at my door but continued on until I found myself standing in front of Darry's room. It was open a little and I quietly opened it enough to see that he was sleeping.

I considered my options, before screwing up enough courage, and entered his room closing the door behind me. I tiptoed over to his bed and stopped for a moment wondering if I should leave. Darry slept with his back against the wall so that left plenty of bed free and I didn't want to sleep alone, that normally leads to nightmares. Darry probably wouldn't mind, he didn't the first time I had a nightmare after Mom and Dad died. Darry didn't have to work tomorrow so he probably wouldn't mind.

With that in mind I crawled into the bed and curled up close without touching him so that I wouldn't wake him. It didn't work. Darry woke up right away and blinked at me for a minute before smiling. He pulled me close while he shifted to get comfortable. When he was settled he left his arm over me and gently kissed my forehead. I fell asleep smiling, completely relaxed for the first time in what seemed like an eternity.


	15. Let Me Go! rewritten

"You going to be ok at school today Ponyboy?" Darry sounded worried.

He'd made me stay home yesterday and we'd had a real long talk about what'd happened. I told him about everything from start to finish, including the notes at school and the phone call. Of course I tried to tone it down a lot and tried to make it look like it hadn't been all that bad. I'm not sure if he bought it or not. Other than that, I had spent most of my time entertaining Johnny and getting to know Darry better. One of my more amusing discoveries about Darry, was that his ears can go just as red as Soda's and mine.

"I hate to leave you where they can bug you. Maybe I should take the day off and we could stay here."

"I've been at school with them around before Darry. They're not dumb enough to try something other than writing dumb notes during class. Besides, we can't afford a day off." I said using the words he himself had said often enough.

"Yeah but we're still trying to figure all this out, and we really ought to…" I never thought the day would come that Darry would be asking me to skip school.

"I'll baby-sit him at school and after." Two Bit said as he ducked the swing I took at him. "I haven't got anything better to do."

"Why don't you get a job?" Steve asked as he walked in on the tail end of our conversation. "Ever consider working for a living?"

"Work?" Two Bit was aghast. "And ruin my rep? I wouldn't be baby-sittin' the kid here if I knew of some good day-nursery in the school system."

I pulled his chair over backward and jumped on him, but he had me down in a second. I was kind of short on wind. I've gotta quit smoking or I won't make track next year.

"Holler Uncle." He said as he pinned me with his body. My body tensed and my mind flew back to the last time I'd been pinned like this. No, No! Don't! N…

"NO! NO! Get off! Let me go!" my eyes were wide with fear and I was struggling like mad. Everybody in the room froze for a moment before Dally, who had come in with Two Bit that morning, grabbed him and threw him off me. I lay there on my back, gasping, and trying to get myself back under control. At least this time I'm not crying. Darry and Soda were by my side instantly, both of them talking real low and soothingly, but neither of them touched me until I had calmed down some. I closed my eyes and found I could hear Dally's voice coming from outside where he must have dragged Two Bit.

"You fucking idiot! Are you that thick! Ya don't pin someone after somethin' like that! The hell did you expect to happen! Did ya think he'd just forget about it after we found out! How stupid can you be?"

"Shit man! How was I s'posed to know he'd freak out! I've never had to deal with somethin' like this!" Two Bit yelled back sounding kinda shaken.

"It's common sense Mathews! We keep telling the kid to use _his_, but I'm thinkin' maybe you need a lesson in it too!"

Stop… stop it please… someone stop them. I can't take it if this is how everyone is going to act now. I need to get out of here. I got up and grabbed my pack on my way out. I slammed the door and watched as Dally and Two Bit stood there and continued arguing on the porch. Darry came out behind me and put his hand on my shoulder.

"Maybe you should stay home for now Ponyboy, you're still kinda pale. I'm sure your teachers will understand. I'll call the school later."

"No. Darry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to react like that; I just couldn't help it for a minute when I was pinned. I'm fine, ok? I just, I want everything to go back to normal." I looked up at him pleadingly. He looked at me intensely before his left eye twitched at the noise from the other two porch occupants.

"Would you two shut up!" he finally shouted. Darry doesn't yell often, except at me when I've been dumb, but when he does his voice demands people to compliance. They both went silent for a moment, having noticed Darry and me for the first time. Darry went to talk with them while I went inside to see if Johnny was ready yet. I have this feeling that Darry is either telling them to treat me normally or carefully. Meanwhile I just wanted to shout at the top of my lungs; I'm fine, stop treating me like I'll break if y'all act normal. Things couldn't go on like this. I was determined to stop jumping, to stop overreacting; I just wanted my life to go back to normal. I found Johnny in the kitchen with his pack.

"C'mon Johnny, lets get going or we'll be late." He nodded and we headed outside together. Darry was back on the porch and his voice made me smile as I took a step towards the stairs.

"Take it easy Ponyboy, you smoke more than a pack today after having been sick like that the other day and I'll skin you. Understood?"

"Yeah, you carry more than one bundle of roofing at a time today and me and Soda'll skin you. Understood?"

He grinned one of his rare grins.

"Yeah, see ya'll this afternoon."

Johnny and I had started walking, but we'd only gotten to the lot when Two Bit caught up to us in his car. I was thankful that he could drive that day because even though I'd had my ankle up most of yesterday it still hurt some, not too bad luckily or I might not be able to run in next months meet. Johnny and I piled in, both of us in the back while Two Bit drove with Steve in the front. We both ended up gripping the seat with all our strength because Two Bit drives like a mad man.

We barely made it in time and I got to my seat just as the bell rang. The teacher gave me a funny look which I didn't respond to. There are some teachers who think that I'll become a hood one day because I'm a greaser. They don't care what kind of grades I get; to them if you're not of the social class you're worthless. Mr. Carlson, my math teacher, was one of those.

"Mr. Curtis would you care to explain your absence yesterday and Monday, because I don't believe the office has received any notification as to why you were so conveniently scarce the day of the pop quiz."

"I'm sorry Mr. Carlson. I'll have my brother call in." I responded, not meeting his eyes in hopes that he wouldn't choose to torture me today.

"_I'm sure_. Mr. Curtis seeing as how you don't feel the need to explain your absences, why don't you come to the front and show the class how to do the following problem? Then we can see just how smart people become when they decide to waste their futures by skipping class."

I sighed silently knowing what would come once I had finished. One way or another it was going to happen so I decided I may as well show him just how smart I can be. I got up, went to the board and studied it for a moment before picking up the chalk. Darry had been going over math with me for the last two months ever since I got a B on a test. Because of that I was actually ahead in that class as well as several others. I finished the long equation a few minutes later and glanced at Mr. Carlson's angry red face. The question had been a grade above this class and there were several confused students.

The teacher was seething, staring at me as if I'd done something unthinkable. He'd always been cold to me and the other greasers in the class but this expression was new. Before today he would have accused me of cheating in some way or of having gotten it wrong even if it was right. I would have then been given extra work and ignored the rest of the class. Now though, now was different for some reason. The look in his eyes, the sneer on his face, the tense way he was holding himself; all of it pointed to trouble.

"Think you're funny do you!" he snarled at me.

"No sir."

"You've caused enough disruption in this class sir rah! Out to the hall with you! The rest of you study the pages on the board, I'll be back in a few minutes." He snapped out the order.

Another silent sigh escaped me as I gathered my things and left the room with the teacher right behind me. There were several snickers from my classmates as I was hustled out. I'm glad that Mr. Carlson grades on test scores or I would have flunked this class a long time ago. I was surprised when he grabbed my bag from me, after shutting the classroom door, and tossed it to the hall floor. He grabbed me by the front of my shirt and brought his face close to mine. By this time I was starting to panic again but the words that came next were enough to bring me out of my disconcerting memories and into the present.

"Think being a smart alec makes you strong boy! You know, your parents once sent me a letter saying that I was scaring you when you first came to this school. You haven't seen scary yet boy." His grip tightened and he pulled me even closer, if that was at all possible.

"Are you scared boy! Are you!" he spat the words into my face looking a little crazed.

"MR. CARLSON! Put him down now!" I knew that voice; it belonged to my English teacher, Mr. Syme. I was suddenly dropped and Mr. Carlson straightened up, looking as though nothing had happened.

"Are you alright Ponyboy?" Mr. Syme asked as he stepped up behind me.

"Yes sir."

"Why don't you head over to the office Pony, I'll be along soon."

I nodded and headed down the hall after grabbing my backpack again. I spotted Two Bit relaxing in class through an open door; he waved at me with his usual goofy grin. I quickly ducked into the office reception and waited at the front desk for one of the secretaries. There were two there, both of whom I recognized. One was Mr. Carlson's wife, aka the dragon lady, who shared his views and was just as mean. The other was Mrs. Farrow who was a nice elderly widow with a lot of grandkids that she loved to talk about.

Two Bit had made a comment once to Mrs. Carlson that she and her husband deserved each other. I'd just started high school, a year early because I'd been skipped ahead, and it took me all of one week to understand what he'd meant. Thankfully it was Mrs. Farrow who looked up and spotted me first. She smiled and gestured for me to wait a minute, then went over to one of the many filing cabinets and took out two pieces of paper. She then motioned me over to one of the tables.

"Mr. Carlson again dear?" she whispered to me. I nodded and she smiled softly.

"Here dear. You work on these math sheets while you wait for Mr. Grayson to finish his other two appointments."

"Mrs. Farrow... these are from the graduating class."

"Yes, I know child. This way you might just kill some time working on them. Oh, how you remind me of my Ricky. He's smart as a whip too; though you do look more like Justin's son John. Oh my, I'm rambling again. You work on those now and come over to talk if you finish or get too bored."

"Thank you ma'am."

She walked back to the desk smiling and earning herself a scowl from Mrs. Carlson. If there is one woman who doesn't deserve the aggravation of the Carlson's it is Mrs. Farrow. In some ways she reminds me of my parents. She can be easygoing like my Dad was, but she can also make you feel sorry for something while she's trying not to laugh about it like my mom could. I remember this one time a few years ago, about three weeks after Soda started high school. He'd come home and looked at mom like he was trying to figure something out.

"Is there something you want to ask me Soda?" Mom had asked after ten minutes of my brother being strangely silent and still while he was staring at her.

"Mom. Do you have another aunt we haven't met named Mrs. Farrow?" Soda finally burst out.

"You've met the few relatives I have so you know that I don't. Now will you tell me what brought that up?"

"Well there's a Mrs. Farrow at the Principals office and she reminds me of you. She can make you sorry about anything and then laugh about it a minute later."

"I see. Just what were you doing at the Principals office that let you find this out?"

"Oops. Well I was sent there for putting paint on Mr. Carlson's chair and letting him sit in it while it was still wet."

"Sodapop Patrick Curtis! I can't believe you sometimes. Why did you do that? Where on earth did you get the idea and the paint for that matter?"

"Well Mr. Carlson is _real_ mean to us greasers no matter what we do in that class, so I figured he needed some payback. They were painting the classroom next to his so I borrowed a little from there and left it on his chair."

"Soda, go to your room and do your homework. I'll decide your punishment later." She demanded. But I remember seeing a sparkle of amusement in her eyes.

While I was remembering this I'd finished one of the math sheets without even noticing. Darry says that one of my problems in the subject is that I overanalyze the problems. Unfortunately by distracting myself I had failed to notice something else too. I had flipped the page to work on the other side when I got this sinking feeling that someone was standing beside me. I looked up when they put their hand on my shoulder and paled instantly. I tried not to look scared, but that's a little difficult with one of the guys from the other night standing there leering at me.

"You owe us greaser. It's rude to refuse the offer of a ride in a nice car. Then of course, there's the beating we owe you and your little friends."


	16. They Aren't Done rewritten

As I walked to my locker at lunch to deposit my books, I thought about what might have happened earlier if Two Bit hadn't shown up at the office when he did. Not two minutes after that guy had started in on me; Two Bit had strolled in and scared him off. He'd then sat with me, saying that he'd spotted me walking to the office and thought I could use some company. Steve had arrived about three minutes after Two Bit, and they ended up horsing around in there.

I can't help but think that _they_ aren't done with me yet. Why me? Why the hell are they focusing on me? I wouldn't ever wish this on someone else but why aren't they going after other greasers? I'm not the best looking, that would be Soda, and I'm not interested in guys like that. I've never been mean to anyone that does like them like that either. One of the guys on the track team confessed that he liked me once, but I kept his secret after I told him that I definitely wasn't like that. It just doesn't make sense.

I turned down the hallway and froze when I saw three guys waiting in front of my locker. A heavy hand landed on my shoulder and I nearly dropped my books from fright before I realized who it was.

"Gotcha grease! Glory Pony I didn't know anybody could go that white."

"Mathews you idiot. I told you not to spook him." Steve said as he smacked Two Bit upside the head. What they didn't know was that it wasn't Two Bit that had scared me. The three guys at my locker had looked up when they heard Two Bit yell and we were staring each other in the eyes.

"Shoot kid I forgot. Hey, you froze up 'fore I even got to ya Pony. What's wrong? Pony? Kid you even listenin' to me?" Two Bits voice hushed after a moment and I gave him a sideways glance only to see both him and Steve glaring at the three guys.

"You know them kid? Seen any of them in that gang from the other night?" Steve asked as he moved to my other side so that the two of them flanked me. I shook my head but I also didn't move towards my locker. I sighed softly in defeat and headed for the parking lot in the other direction.

"C'mon, I'll get my books after lunch. It won't matter if I'm a few minutes late for study hall."

Despite their effort to hide it I saw the look that the two of them shared. I know what they're thinking. They think I'm a coward, and I can't say that I blame them; but I just can't bring myself to face those guys right now. Not when one of them is the one that almost… that tried to… Damnit I can't even think it now! I am a bloody coward.

"You know we got your back, right kid?" Steve asked in a surprisingly gentle voice. A voice that I've only ever heard him use that voice on Johnny or Soda when one or the other was really upset or hurt bad.

"Yeah I know. I just… I'm not feeling great again. Two Bit can you give me a lift home? I'm gettin' a little dizzy and my stomach's startin' to hurt again." I lied quickly, although the thought of facing them again _did_ make me a little sick to my stomach.

They shared another look between the two of them but must have decided either not to push the subject, or that I looked sick. I know that I need to face this sooner or later, but I'm not ready yet so I hope it's later. I guess the fates that we're studying in English decided otherwise. As we stepped outside I saw something that made my blood boil and my vision go red with anger. Johnny was leaning against Two Bit's car trying to look calm and tough while two of the guys from the other night leaned over him threateningly.

The next thing I knew Two Bit had a hold of one, and was doing a pretty good impression of a boxer with a punching bag, while I was beating the tar out of the other. Steve and Johnny were standing there staring at me for some reason. All I know is that if they hadn't run then, I'm not sure what I might have done. I'm a good fighter, I know it and so does the gang, but normally I wouldn't dream of taking on someone this big. I guess I'd do just about anything to keep Johnny safe though.

"Glory, Ponyboy. I guess all that stuff we taught ya really did sink in." Two Bit said after a low whistle. He had let the guy he'd been working over go before I did.

"Enough yappin' let's get outta this hell hole people call a school." Steve said as he climbed in the front passenger seat of the car. Johnny and I hopped into the back while Two Bit got behind the wheel. Everything was unnaturally quiet until Johnny leaned over and whispered to me.

"Thanks Pony." There was a touch of awe in his voice that was normally reserved for Dally.

"It's cool Johnny." I whispered back.

"Were they from the other night kid?" Steve demanded suddenly with a harsh tone in his voice.

"I think so, maybe." I mumbled as I suddenly found an intense interest in the hole of my tennis shoe.

When I glanced up I saw that Johnny was real pale, Steve looked angry and was about to say something but Two Bit put a hand on his shoulder while giving him a quick but meaningful look. I could see Steve change his mind reluctantly about what he was going to say, or at least about how he was going to say it. Sometimes I can read him like a book, not that I want to most of the time.

"Look kid I know you're sick and all, hell I would be too if it were me, but ya gotta let us know when ya see 'em. No matter how much I'd love to, _and believe me I would_, we can't jump every soc out there. We need to know who to attack or avoid, especially now that they've gone after Johnny too."

I avoided Steve's eyes while I thought about what he'd said. It made me sick to my stomach to think about them going after Johnny; or any of the gang for that matter. What the hell am I supposed to do now? How can I protect them when I can't even protect myself? I couldn't bear it if anything happened to Johnny or any of them really.

"Shit kid are you ok? Dammit you're white as sheet." Steve said sounding worried for some reason. Maybe he thought I might get sick on him or something. Johnny gently pulled me down so that I was lying down with my head in his lap.

"Geez you really are sick again ain't ya?" Steve said softly. What the hell happened to the Steve that hates me? Maybe that movie last month about clones wasn't as far fetched as I thought it was. As I lay there with my eyes closed I thought I heard Steve mumbling in the front seat.

"Sarah. Just like Sarah. Quiet and sick right before she… God don't kill the kid too."

That's when it clicked. Sarah was Steve's cousin who committed suicide after she was raped. Steve doesn't want to go through that again so he's being nice to me. We were at my house before I knew it and Two Bit kept a grip on my arm as we walked into the house so that I wouldn't fall. According to him I was still too white to be left alone. I agreed after my vision tilted the room once. I must have fallen asleep after Two Bit helped me to the couch because the last thing I remember was somebody removing my shoes and putting a damp cloth on my forehead.

The next time I woke up it was to the door being opened and closed quietly. I think it was the fact that it didn't slam that made me hear it so loudly if that makes any sense. Most of the time when someone comes in, namely the gang, they throw it open and slam it behind them while hollering hello. Darry came into my line of sight and I blinked for a minute trying to remember why I was on the couch if I had been asleep.

"Hey Ponyboy. How yah feelin'?"

"I'm ok Darry. A little outta it, but I'm feeling ok."

"That's good. You gave me another scare when Two Bit called to tell me you were sick with a fever again. He said you were pretty gone by the time you got into the house. I knew I should have kept you at home again. You were looking a little white this morning. You can't overdo it when you're sick kiddo."

"It's ok. Today wasn't that bad."

"That's good. Maybe you can explain why Two Bit and Steve are talking about a dragon getting its just desserts then?"

I smiled goofily and filled him in on what Two Bit and Steve had done in the office as Darry's face went from disbelief to silent amusement. My oldest brother shook his head and ruffled my hair before going to sit in his armchair with the paper.

After dinner I joined the gang in the living room and sat down just as the news started.

"Police are baffled tonight at the violent death of a young woman that took place earlier today. Here's Troy Collins with more on that story."

"Thank you Victor. Local authorities have reported no leads in the homicide of 18 year old Sylvia Donaldson. The girl, missing for two days prior, was discovered this morning brutally beaten. Police are baffled on several aspects of the case and won't be releasing any information at this time. However it is rumored that a message was left with the body for an unknown party. We'll have an update on this story at a later date. Back to you Victor."

I sat there stunned as Darry shut the T V off. No one made a sound for a few minutes until Dally stood up. Johnny made a strangled noise in his throat, or maybe it was me I'm not sure. Dallas stood there looking into Johnny's pleading face for what seemed like an hour but could only have been a few moments. He shook his head and headed for the door. I knew what he was going to do and I wanted desperately to stop him just like Johnny wanted to. The two of us knew we couldn't do anything to convince him this time. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Two Bit and Soda sit back down but I didn't betray their movements when Dally glanced at me for half a second as he left.

The rest of us sat there for about five minutes before Soda pulled out Dally's switchblade and Two Bit pulled out the piece of pipe Dally had been hiding. One or both of them might get hit for it later, but they had known that when they lifted his stuff. It just went to show you how much Sylvia's death bothered him that he didn't notice them take his weapons. We all understood that Dally needed to blow off a lot of steam right now but he could kill or get killed with weapons on him. Skin fights never really hurt anyone; but I hoped that whoever Dally found first could give as well as he could take or that might be proven false.

I felt horrible for thinking like that but if Dally gets hit as much as he hits he calms down faster for some reason. That's how he and Tim Shepherd stay such good friends. I know it sounds odd but they cool down by pounding the crap out of each other over the smallest thing sometimes and then pal around a day or so after. It keeps them sane, well as sane as either of them will ever get. In fact I hope it _is_ Tim that Dally finds first, to take the edge off.


	17. Figure Out Who

**Authors note: This chapter will be told by the author, not a character, all thoughts will therefore be in _Italics_ and will appear as such **_'words'_

The sight of the full moon shining through a hole in the cloudy night sky was lost on Dallas Winston as the police officer led him from the squad car into the building. In truth the scene never even filtered through his thoughts as he prepared himself for the now monotonous experience of being booked as an overnight guest in jail for disturbing the peace. Forty five minutes later he found himself in a cell with many familiar faces that he felt he could happily do without. He'd managed to get into four fights since he'd left the Curtis place earlier and had only discovered his weapons of choice, a piece of pipe and his switchblade, gone when he'd reached for them in the last fight.

The first hadn't been worth his time, which almost made him angrier, due to the other guy being to drunk to throw a punch. The second had been a punk that tried to jump him, but the kid didn't look much older than Pony or Johnny and though he'd been a little savvier when it came to fighting Dally found himself holding back a little. The third fight had cooled him off tremendously but he didn't like how he'd felt afterwards; he'd come across Tim Shepherd leaving his house grumbling about his hysterical sister who hadn't stopped crying after she'd heard the news about Sylvia. Tim had wanted to go find some fun, Dally had just wanted to pound something, one wrong comment led to another and they'd wiped the pavement with each other.

Dally had been the first one off the ground and therefore the unspoken winner of this round but he'd still been angry enough to try and beat on the next guy that ticked him off. Unfortunately that guy had an annoying wife that had called the cops before it had gotten good.

Which is how he'd ended up here in a cell full of drunks, druggies, idiots that didn't know when to run. The only good thing about the guys in here being regulars was that they already knew to stay away from him if they didn't want to be lacking a body part for the rest of their lives. At least he thought they all knew to stay away from him, though that didn't seem to be getting through to the one idiot that was unsteadily approaching him. After a moment he recognized the man as someone he generally steered clear of.

"Dallyyyyyy, just the man I wanted to sssssseeeeee." The man slurred, clearly drunk.

"Go away Andrew." Dally swiftly replied.

"Lisssssten. It's your lucky day. I need a new mussscle man for my bussan… my businy… my work."

"I'm not interested Andrew." Dally turned his face away and hoped he'd go away.

'_Anyone who values their dignity and possibly their life knew to never accept a job offer from Andrew. Not that he ever kills them; it's more along the lines of the people Andrew pisses off that would get a man killed. Not that he'll even remember this conversation when he sobers up.'_ Dally thought to himself.

"C'mon Dally old pal. You're not lissssni… not lissen… you're not hearing me out. I gots ta get another guy. The one I got now, he needs ta get lossst, if ya know whats I mean. He's sick. I gots ta get away from 'im." Andrew said as he thumped himself down on the bench beside Dally.

"I don't want to hear it Andrew."

"Now don't be like that. This guy. I've gotta get rid of him. He got outta jail a couple months ago, didn't ask what he was in for, but he's pulling shit behind my back. He's really sick too Dally. He keeps going on and on about wanting to get his hands on this kid." Suddenly Andrew seemed a lot more sober.

"Dammit Andrew go away. I said I don't want to hear this shit."

"Y'know what else Dal. The kid's a boy. A fourteen year old boy. That's just WRONG! I got a nephew that young Dally! I gotta get rid of him before he gets hold a this kid and does who knows what to him! I gotta… I gott… I g." Andrew suddenly slumped forward to the floor, passed out cold.

Dally contemplated what he'd just been told and wondered if it was possible for this guy Andrew had been talking about to be the one that was after Ponyboy. It seemed not only possibly but probable that they were one and the same. Now if only he could figure out who it was and do something about it before the guy made another grab for Pony…

_**Ok, I know I've taken months to get this up, and it's short for right now… please don't kill me… I have a reason for being late with this, I lost my notebook which had the chapters handwritten in it and couldn't remember for the life of me what I'd wrote. Anyways another chapter is coming soon and it will be longer. **_


	18. Here They Come

The moonlight coming through the window was making my brother Soda look like a Greek God and I smiled slightly at the sight of him completely relaxed in sleep. I crawled out of be and crept out to the hall with a sigh having given up on sleep a good half hour ago. There was a light coming from the living room and I made my way towards it wondering if someone had forgotten to shut off the TV again. Instead of the television I found Darry reading under the light of a lamp while Steve slept on the floor.

My brother looked up immediately even though I was fairly sure I'd made no noise.

"Ponyboy what are you doing up?" He asked in a gruff whisper.

It took me a minute to realize that he wasn't mad at me, I had mistaken that tone for anger before, and to realize that Darry was just concerned but didn't want to wake anyone.

"I can't sleep. I don't have school tomorrow, the teachers got a seminar. Any news from Dal yet?" I replied also whispering as I walked further into the living room and sat on the couch.

"Yeah, he called from the police station about an hour ago saying he got picked up but that it was just for overnight. You can stay up for just a little longer but then we both need some sleep little brother." He said firmly before looking down at Steve with slight distaste.

Steve really annoyed Darry but they'd back each other anytime for no reason. Plus he's Soda's best friend and Darry is willing to overlook the fact that Steve is normally mean or rude to me and him to keep Soda happy. Finally he nudged Steve awake, maybe a little harder than necessary, and when he turned over to look at us Darry pointed down the hall.

"Go sleep with Soda." Was all my brother said before hauling Steve up and pointing him in the right direction.

After he was gone Darry and I just sat in silence, him reading the paper while I just sat there and daydreamed for about twenty minutes. I jumped when the front door opened quietly and my oldest brother looked up as Curly Shepherd walked in covered in cuts and bruises. I ran to get some blankets and the first aid kit while Darry jumped up and led Curly over to the couch while talking in a low soothing voice. When I came back into the room Curly was grinning and Darry had stopped talking so I guess he was better off than he looked.

"Hey y'all. I got great news! Just beat up a couple o' the assholes that tried to rape Angel. Damned if they ever come near one of our girls. Bastards are lucky they took off fore I could kill em. Oh, hey there Ponyboy." He greeted me as if he were surprised to see me either in one piece or at all.

"What's up Curly?" I said softly as I helped Darry clean a couple of his cuts.

He seemed to study me for a minute before answering. I was beginning to wonder whether he was drunk or just wanted to look tough in front of people because he wasn't even flinching at what we were doing.

"Hey Pony?"

"Yeah, Curly?"

"You still runnin' in that race comin' up next month?"

"Yeah, Two Bit's taking me and Johnny out to the school tomorrow morning so I can practice, why?" I was completely confused when he asked me that because Curly had never taken an interest in my running before.

"Jus' somethin' I heard. Some jackass hick from Windrixville sayin' you wasn' runnin' anymore."

He was starting to slur his words so I guessed he must have been drunk. Darry stayed quiet through this exchange but he had one eyebrow cocked, I really gotta learn that trick, and I could tell he was getting something I wasn't out of the conversation. I shrugged it off for now and helped settle my friend on the couch. He was asleep almost instantly and unless he slept in from a hangover I guessed that he wouldn't be here come morning. Darry stood up and together we cleaned everything up pretty quickly. When we were done he silently motioned for me to follow him.

"You can sleep in here tonight kiddo, unless you'd rather climb in with Johnny, but that bed's kinda small." Darry said once we were in his room.

I just shrugged and got into bed after he'd lain down on the side near the wall. Strangely after he'd tossed an arm over me like Soda does I didn't feel much like staying awake anymore.

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After finishing my self assigned laps, at the school track field, I stood next to Johnny, who was sitting on the ground smoking, and flexed my ankle happy that I felt no pain. Johnny passed me his cigarette so I could take a drag and stood up when I passed it back to him. I smiled as I realized that I was completely relaxed for the first time in what seemed like a long time.

"You done? Ain't you about to freeze to death Pony?" Johnny asked as he eyed my sleeveless sweatshirt.

"Nah, I'm warm from running. Where'd Two Bit get off to?" I asked as I noticed the car was gone.

"He went off to talk to Soda and Steve at the DX station. He should be back any time now."

I started to say something about the film of ice developing on the metal of the outside drinking fountain over by the school when a sudden blast from a car horn made both of us both jump. Well, so much for being relaxed. Six of the guys from the original group that jumped me were walking straight for us while two more stood by a van.

"Oh, glory," I said with a groan, "this is all I need to top off a perfect week. Want to run for it?"

"It's too late now," Johnny said. "Here they come."

Johnny stepped slightly in front of me, wanting to protect me even though I knew he'd left his knife at our house today. I stared at them coolly and even without seeing him I knew Johnny's face was tough and blank. They might scare us to death, but we'd never let them know it. I wished with all my might for one of my brothers or the others of the gang knowing with just one or two more of us we could take these jerks easily. It was hopeless though, both of my brothers and Steve are at work, Dally was god knows where and Two Bit had likely been distracted.

"Well lookee here boys, we got us a two for one deal. Hey Rod, if we bring em both back d'you think the boss'll let us keep the other one?" one of the guys by the van called out while the others just laughed.

Johnny and I tried to make a break for it at the same time but we didn't get far. One of them grabbed my arms and wrenched them behind my back and I struggled to get loose or kick the one holding me. Johnny had two of them trying to hold him as he thrashed about. They were slowly forcing us towards the van and besides yelling our heads off and trying to get loose there was nothing we could do.

Something hit me in the head from behind and the last thing I heard as my world went black was someone yelling, "Let go of them!"

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Ok, I know I'm way late with this again, but it's here now and all I need for the next chapter is who you think yelled at the end? really there is three choices. Dally, Curly, or Two Bit


	19. We Hear You

**Please don't kill the author for not updating for so long… I've kinda been going through some shit with writers block and switching jobs. I pretty much went outta the frying pan and into the fire with my first switch, and now I'm finally about to settle down in a pretty good job. Now if I can just get rid of this bronchitis I'll be happy. To those of you still reading this fic, thank you soo much. I am going to try to rewrite it as I feel I've improved and am appalled at the mistakes I was making in previous chapters. I will try to update again Friday, my next day off, but I can't promise that.**

**Again to those of you that stuck with this fic, thank you, and to everyone who reviewed, thank you very much!**

**SS: I'm so sorry about that comment! Nothing was meant by it from my point of view. That would be somewhat hypocritical considering some of my other stories and some friends I grew up with, among other things, again I'm truly sorry. Truthfully I don't think I wasfully thinking at the time, I tend to put my thoughts into what I think the character would be saying given their personality. **

**Anyway that comment has been removed and the sentance changed. I truly did not mean to offend.**

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"DAMIT YOU BASTARDS!!!" Dally yelled as he tried to follow the van, on foot, which was now driving at an insane speed.

He knew he'd never catch up to it this way but he had to try. That van held Johnny and Pony. He couldn't just let them be taken like this, but he'd been too far away to get to them in time.

"Fuck you sons of bitches! I'll kill you when I find you." Dally was swearing a blue streak as he started running towards the DX station since it was closest to the school and he didn't figure on anyone being at the Curtis' house.

A million thoughts were running through his head but he'd only made it through four of them coherently before he reached the service station where the first thing he saw was Two Bit's car and said greaser coming out of the building laughing.

"Well I guess I'd better go round up the rug rats from the school before Pony runs himself silly." Two Bit called out in goodbye.

"You stupid FUCK!" was all Dally managed to ground out as his fist connected with Two Bit's jaw

"What the hell! Dally, what the hell're ya doin'?!" Steve yelled as he and Soda tried to hold Dally back from pounding Two Bit without getting hit themselves.

"You left 'em alone you stupid son of a!!! How many fucking times do I have ta beat it into yer head!"

"Dally what's going on?" Soda managed to ask holding the right arm of a now shaking, and still struggling, Dally.

"They're gone… they're gone and he left them alone and let those bastards take them…" the hood managed to choke out. He didn't notice how white the other three went at his words as he stopped thrashing and tried not to shake out of fury or fear for the two missing teens.

"What do you mean gone?! Where's my baby brother Dallas?! What happened?" Soda panicked as he rounded to the front of the blonde grabbing his shirt to try and make him look him in the eyes.

"No… no they can't be… tell me this is a sick joke man… please?" Two Bit stuttered out in desperation as he slumped to the ground.

"I got there too late damn it. Some of the sick fucks we pounded on the other night hit 'em and put 'em in a van. I couldn't reach 'em in time… I tried ta follow but I couldn't reach 'em dammit. Fuck Matthews why'd ya leave 'em there?"

"No! No man this can't be happening. Not Pony and Johnny. I'm sorry… I'm so fuckin' sorry." Two Bit sobbed sounding truly broken.

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Ponyboy awoke slowly to someone whispering his name urgently, though for the life of him he couldn't think of who it would be. Pony was disinclined to fully wake up or move though; he was completely comfortable as he lay against something a little hard, but warm. He felt whatever he was leaning on shift and realized that he was against another body though it took him a moment to put that fact and the voice together. It was as he was opening his eyes slowly that he comprehended that it was Johnny holding him, and with that thought everything that had happened came rushing back and he sat up panicking.

"Johnny? What happened man? Where… where are we?" the fourteen year old asked looking around frantically.

Nothing in the room gave away any information as to their whereabouts; in fact the room itself was bare. The space they were in wasn't overly large but the wooden enclosure held one window which let in no light as it was solidly boarded up. The two boys were facing a door which, although it didn't stop them from trying to open it, they instinctively knew would be locked.

"I dunno Pony, I only woke up a few minutes ago. They hit us pretty hard man." Johnny finally answered as he stood and helped Ponyboy to his feet.

Instantaneously the two approached the door and rattled the knob which, as suspected, was locked. The attempt brought a response which they were not expecting though they shouldn't have been surprised.

"Keep it down! We'll give you what's coming to you when we're good and ready!" a voice with a lewd lilt to it yelled from the other side of the door.

Ponyboy shuddered as he recognized it as belonging to Rod, the tormentor he hated the most. He looked over at Johnny with terror blatantly showing in his eyes and the sixteen year old put his arm around him as he tried not to show his own fear.

"What're we gonna do Johnny? None of the gang know where we're at, hell we dunno where we're at? What're we gonna do man?!" panic raising his voice against his will.

"Snap outta it Pony! Calm down man, we'll figure somethin' out." Johnny said trying to comfort the teen despite his own worry.

"Johnny I don't think we're gonna get outta this. We can't get outta this room fer cryin' out loud, and if we do _they're_ out there. Dammit Johnny I'm scared…"

"Cripes Pony, ya gotta calm down. I'm scared to man but panicking ain't doin' us any good. Just si'down with me for a bit. We just gotta think of somethin'. Trust me Pony, I'm not gonna let anythin' happen to ya." Johnny tried again as he backed away from the door pulling Pony with him and to the ground against the wall.

They sat there hugging each other, trying to bring each other comfort in what seemed like a hopeless situation. It wasn't long before the noises from the other side of the door started seeping through to them as they sat there trying to think. The heard a door open and close several times and some time later a conversation started.

"Geez Rod's taking his time getting supplies." One voice said.

"Shut up Jason he'll be back soon enough." Another replied.

"You shut up Mark, you stupid fuck. Shit man I never would have taken this job if I'd known what we were doing. All I was told was that we were stopping some kid from running a race so we could up our odds betting. Nobody fucking told me we were kidnapping two brats or that some of the pricks we're working with were going to try to do that shit to them. They're just boys dammit! This whole thing is just wrong!" the first voice, Jason, started yelling.

"SHUT UP JASON! Fuck man I agree with you but we're in this too deep now. If we let them go we'll get killed, you know that. Even if the boss doesn't kill us, those two have friends. You saw how badly the others got beat up last time we tried to grab the kid. Imagine what they'll do to us." Mark answered in anger.

"Yeah but…" Jason was interrupted as the door opened and the sound of footsteps told Pony and Johnny that someone else had come in.

"Anthony what the hell are you doing here?! I told you that you an you're friends can't come up here right now!" Mark yelled sounding more concerned than angry.

"But Mark, we always played up here before. Why is the church any more dangerous now than before? Besides you said you'd help me with my homework." A young sounding boy's voice replied in exasperation.

"I told you I'm busy right now little brother. So you and your friends need to stay away from here for awhile. Now just get home, I'll help you later ok?"

"Ever since you got this job you've been mean big brother." The young voice replied followed by pounding footsteps and a slamming door.

"That was a little harsh Mark. He had his books, you could have helped him. It's not like we have anything else to do while we're waiting man." Jason said.

"Look, I just don't want my little brother anywhere near all this. Or anywhere near Rod and the boss for that matter. He's safer if he just stays away from all this shit… like we should have." Mark replied, his last few words sounding wistful and sad.

"I hear ya…" Jason was once again interrupted by the door and the two teens could hear heavier footsteps through the door.

"Anymore noise outta the little bastards?" Rod's rough voice brought another wave of fear over the two trapped teens.

"No. When's the boss getting here?" Jason's voice was much more subdued.

"He's got some business to take care of, could take anywhere from a few hours to a day or two. The jackass told us not to touch them before he got here. We'll be switching guard duty in about an hour. Now I don't want to hear another word outta you two, ya got me?" Rod snapped sounding agitated.

"Yeah, we hear you." Marks reply sounded surly, and the two boys could just imagine the sneer that went with it.


	20. note, no i'm not abandoning it

**Ok so this isn't a chapter, yet.**

**I am currently rewriting this story, and yes I will be continuing it. I should be getting more done on the weekends than during the week, but I will be trying for at least one chapter a night for the rewrite. I hope people are still reading this, and I'm very sorry for my long absence. As I posted in the new chapter one, I have no real excuse, life and my muse got away from me. Again I'm sorry, it's all I can say.**


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